The Ultimate Guide to Lasting Longer in Bed (8 Essentials for Ending Premature Ejaculation)

If you’re struggling with premature ejaculation or rapid ejaculation, this might be the most important page of your life.

Research shows that most men experience premature ejaculation at some point throughout their lives.

In fact, the average man lasts only 2-5 minutes in the sack, and half of all men at least SOMETIMES experience premature ejaculation during sexual activity.

But that doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t make your sex life better, and it doesn’t make your female partner buck and wreathe in sexual pleasure, now does it?

Just because Premature Ejaculation is common doesn’t mean you don’t have to do anything to fix it.

Maybe you can’t remember the last time your woman had a climax during intercourse.. (In fact, you’re not sure if this has ever happened…)

Maybe you’re sick of sexual activity ending in frustration and embarrassment.

Maybe you’re tired of saying “ugh sorry” after early ejaculation. (Sorry is not usually something men love uttering after sex.)

Maybe you’re worried your partner is going to leave you for someone who doesn’t have a trace of sexual dysfunction.

But most of all, you’re sick of having to think about your chain-smokin’ Grandma Edna when you’re about to ejaculate.

Forget all that. Those years are over, good sir.

Imagine lasting as long as you want, choosing when to ejaculate, and giving your woman the sexual satisfaction she deserves.

Imagine feeling CONFIDENT in bed, knowing you’re going to enjoy vaginal penetration way longer than the average man.

“Oh, you think your LAST sexual encounter was good? You just wait, honey!”

What Men Don’t Understand About Premature Ejaculation

Man seducing woman in bed

For sex to be fun, it needs to last long enough for both of you to experience sexual arousal and pleasure.

This article provides ACTIONABLE steps you can take to start managing premature ejaculation TODAY.

But first, I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

Most men don’t understand that sexual function is a conscious practice.

Most men aren’t BORN with the incredible ability to withstand sexual stimulation as long as they want.

The truth is, the men with the best sexual performance worked really hard to last as long as they do.

And the best part is, you don’t have to medicate the problem away. You can control this naturally. No pills, no creams, no bullshit.

Be sure to bookmark this page! If you follow these 7 essential steps on a daily basis, I GUARANTEE, you will see major strides in overcoming premature ejaculation.

But if you want to achieve long-lasting stamina, pleasure her for hours, rekindle the fire in your relationship, and END premature ejaculation in 90 days or less, head on over to my Masterclass, “Come When You Want.” This class is the surefire way to get your power back in the bedroom. 

What The Experts Aren’t Telling You About Premature Ejaculation

man looking at phone

“But Caitlin,” you say, “I’ve tried everything.”

You’ve watched YouTube videos, read articles, lathered on numbing creams, taken medication, gone to a sex therapist, and STILL nothing works.

That’s because most “experts” tell you to use the squeeze technique and think of Grandma Edna without addressing psychological factors behind early ejaculation.

Most people won’t tell you that building stamina requires you to change how you approach your entire sex life.

Most experts don’t want to mention this, because they’re afraid of men walking away…

Ending premature ejaculation is never a quick fix.

REAL results require REAL commitment.

This is KEY to ending premature ejaculation, and yet you won’t find any articles online that say this.

That’s why you’ve looked everywhere to cure your Premature Ejaculation and NOTHING has worked… until now.

The 8 Essential Steps to Building Sexual Stamina and Ending Premature Ejaculation

Without further ado, here are the 8 essential keys to ending premature ejaculation: 

  1. Stop using numbing sprays or cream on your manhood
  2. Minimize friction and sensation on your penis
  3. Know that the way you masturbate is the way you perform with a woman
  4. Temporarily quit porn
  5. Use Kegels to strengthen your PC muscles
  6. Curb performance anxiety
  7. Understand that sex is more than orgasm.
  8. Switch up sex positions

#1. Stop Using Desensitizing Sprays Or Creams On Your Penis

man hiding behind pillow

There is a popular trend for men to get quick wins in the bed and I think it’s the wrong move.

Sprays and numbing creams are just temporary solutions and have a host of side effects that will compound over time.

Plus you will have to give up getting oral sex because the chemical taste.. Uck.

Some men that use numbing sprays do notice a benefit of lasting a few minutes longer in bed however these are short lived.

Additionally these sprays prevent you from having real intimacy with your partner.

Plus you could be numbing her as well!

Over numbing sprays are not the long term solution and only ingrain bad habits that could cost a lot more issues throughout your life.

#2. Minimize Friction and Sensation On Your Penis

Here’s the carnal rule of ejaculating: the more friction is on your manhood, the quicker you’ll orgasm.

If you are OVERWHELMED with sensations, you’re not going to last long. Instead, it’s best for men to sustain a lower level of sensation and arousal for a longer period of time.

This is where lube comes in.

When you use lube, you cut down on the amount of sensation you feel on your penis. Less friction means lower arousal, which means you can last longer in bed.

This means you should be using lube during solo sex (masturbation), and when you’re having sex with a partner.

What Kind Of Lube Should I Use?

I always suggest going with an all-natural, water-based lube. (I personally like the brand Sliquid.)

Remember: never used oil-based lubricants if you’re using a condom (which, you SHOULD be using a condom, mister!)

Likewise, do not use silicone-based lube with silicone-based sex toys.

That’s why I always point people toward water-based lubes, because you can’t go wrong.

Using Lube With A Partner

When a woman isn’t super aroused (bummer), she’s tighter and drier, which means YOU feel a LOT more sensation on your penis.

This is a perfect storm for ejaculating too soon — EVEN before your poor lady has had a chance to ENJOY herself!!

sexy wet woman

But if you’re blowing your woman’s mind and she’s having the best sex of her life, she’s wet, relaxed, open, and ready to take you in. She’s like a human slip n’ slide. In this situation, you have much less friction on your dick so you can last longer.

PRO TIP: Get her wet and ready by lubing up! Lube always feels good for the ladies, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be lubing up every time you get it on.

Using Lube When You Masturbate

Think about when you masturbate with a dry hand versus a wet hand. Sometimes with a dry hand, the sensations can be overwhelming, sending you over the edge in a matter of minutes.

Train yourself to last longer in bed with a woman by lasting longer during masturbation.

Which brings us to our next point…

#3. Know that the way you masturbate is the way you perform with a partner.

playful couple having fun

Wankin’ off is great. It’s our go-to for when we need to release sexual tension. It’s easy, it’s quick, and no hassle.

But therein lies the problem.

If we treat masturbation like a 2-minute one-and-done, chances are, our entire sex lives are going to be a 2-minute one-and-done.

Masturbation is a powerful tool you can use to last longer in bed.

In fact, you can use masturbation to last longer in bed TONIGHT.


If you know you’re going to have sex tonight, by all means, wank off a couple of hours before you unsnap her bra. Sometimes men don’t last long enough in bed because they have SO much pent up sexual energy they need to release NOW.  Your prostate becomes engorged if you haven’t bust a nut in a while. This leads to the feeling that you have to come two seconds after entering her.

But masturbation can also be a powerful daily practice you can use to retrain your body, re-train your brain, and regain control.

First step: temporarily quit masturbating to porn. (more on this in a bit…)

Do not let yourself ejaculate quickly. Letting yourself cave and bust after a couple minutes of the five knuckle shuffle REINFORCES premature ejaculation.

Instead, I want you to practice “edging”.

Edging is when you pleasure and stimulate yourself RIGHT UP until the point of no return, and NOT past it.

In other words, on a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being “not aroused” and 10 being “orgasm”, masturbate until you’re at 6 – 7 and then stop. Let up. Do something else until arousal subsides.

This gives you a sense of EXACTLY where your point of no return is, so you can become an expert on when you’re about to orgasm, and when you should pull back.

The goal: to reach 15 – 20 minute masturbation sessions. 

You can do this with a partner too! If you’re having sex with a woman and you feel yourself at the point where you’re about to orgasm, ask her to “stop for a second”.

Use this time to go down on her, finger her, grab a glass of water…

Because as SOON as your arousal subsides a bit, you can go back to having rockin’, raucus, roaring sex.

This system changes the way you relate to your body. It allows you a deeper understanding of what your body does, when.

It also allows you to achieve greater control over when you ejaculate. You’ll have confidence in knowing when you’re about to come, so you can dial things back.

#4. Temporarily quit porn

man masturbating to porn

If you’re in your thirties or younger, you’ve wanked off to internet porn your whole life.

Porn can be a great tool for couples to explore what they enjoy in the bedroom. It offers variety and even helps normalize that kink you thought no one had but you.

But here’s the problem: our brains are not used to that extremely high level of arousal.

Back when we were cavemen, we would be lucky if we caught a glimpse of a topless lady from across a river. These days, we can see all the titties we want with a simple Google search.

When you masturbate to porn, you’re hitting your brain with a VERY HIGH level of arousal. This trains you to ejaculate way sooner than you should.

So what’s a self-loving man to do?

Quit porn.

And before you groan…

Use visualization instead.

If Michael Jordan wants to sink the ball in the hoop, he visualizes himself taking the perfect shot.

If you’re sweating bullets before a big presentation, you visualize yourself delivering the speech PERFECTLY.

If you visualize yourself performing well, you’re more likely to succeed.

Same goes for wankin’ off.

As we mentioned earlier in this article, you practice what you perform.

In order to change how you have sex with a partner, you must change how you have sex with yourself.

Instead of watching porn, visualize yourself having sex with YOUR partner — with her real body — really having sex with you.

And imagine yourself lasting a LONG TIME.

Even better — when youre masturbating and imagining having sex with your partner, imagine her screaming and  wreathing through a HUGE orgasm. Visualize yourself pushing through it and lasting as long as you want.

Here’s why this works: your lizard brain doesn’t know the difference between masturbating and actually having sex with a super hot babe.

This gets your brain thinking, “If I can last 15 minutes in the dress rehearsal, I can last 15 minutes in real life.”

#5. Use Kegels to strengthen your PC muscles

If you’re not doing kegel exercises, you’re not giving yourself a fighting chance when it comes to fighting premature ejaculation.

Healthline said it best: “Kegel exercises are also called pelvic floor muscle training (PFMT) exercises. They target the muscles of your pelvic floor, also known as your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles.”

If you don’t regularly work these muscles, they can become weak and stretched out, which leads to soft erections and a loss of ejaculatory control.

No numbing cream or thoughts of Grandma Edna can help you here, bud.

Strengthen your pelvic muscles to achieve harder erections, gain ejaculatory control, and EVEN experience more intense, mind-blowing orgasms.

Sound good?

Here’s how to do Kegels:

  • First, place two fingers between your anus and perineum (lovingly known as your taint). 
  • Breathe in and out, feeling the area rising up and pushing down with each breath cycle.
  • SQUEEZE that area! This should feel similar to when you block the flow of urine.

Do 5 five-second squeezes, followed by one longer, 30-second squeeze.

Practice this every single day, multiple times a day, and you’ll see results.

Remember to practice kegels in multiple positions. Practice kegels while sitting up, lying down flat on your back, and on all fours. (Because think about it — you have sex in multiple positions!)

kegels for men

#6. Curb Performance Anxiety

Consider this: you’re about to get in bed with a woman. Your palms are sweaty and your heart is beating a million miles per minute.

Your body is in fight or flight mode, and this high level of “stress” can cause premature ejaculation.

This happens for a number of reasons. First of all, our society expects men to be insatiable sex Gods with giant schlongs who can pound away forever and give their women six orgasms in a row…

We (ladies included) put a lot of pressure on men to perform and be perfect in bed. Women talk to their friends about how AMAZING or AWFUL you were in bed.

All the pressure is on you, man. And it sucks. It really really sucks.

In fact, being bad in bed is one of the worst fears of many men.

So what’s the solve for this?

There are two things you can do to lower your performance anxiety so your nerves don’t cause you to lose control of your torpedos:

Take some deep breaths.

man meditating

Taking slow, deep breaths can help relax your parasympathetic nervous system and lower stress levels.

Before getting in bed with her, take a couple of minutes to sneak off to the bathroom, close your eyes, and take some deep, slow breaths. Breathe in through the nose, count to four, and exhale through the mouth while counting to four again. (In fact, the sexperts over at Cosmopolitan suggest that men with premature ejcaulation take up mindfulness meditation. It’s a great idea, seriously.)

Make sure you’re breathing slowly, fully, and that you take time to do this for ten breaths. This allows you to move slower, get more oxygen, and notice those relaxing shifts in your body.

Afterwards, take a second to notice how you feel.

How do you feel different compared to when you first sat down? Chances are, you’ll feel more relaxed, calm, and confident about heading back into the bedroom.

Put it on the table.

couple having moment in bed

No, not your dick — your FEELINGS.

If you’re feeling a little high strung, just talk to her. Before sex, say, “I just want to let you know that I’m a little nervous.”

As you say these words, notice how your anxiety vanishes into thin air.

When you speak about what you’re afraid of and make it known, you are no longer under pressure to ACT like it’s not happening. You’re no longer obligated to act like you’re not nervous.

How freeing!

Furthermore, women LOVE it when you’re being vulnerable, intimate, and personal. It saves you from premature ejaculation AND turns her on.  As writer and penis-owner Nat Eliason says, “If you bring up your concerns, she’ll think HIGHER of you, not less of you.”

#7. Understand that sex is more than ejaculating.

If you stay focused on the “finish line”, you’re not going to enjoy the marathon, champ.

So many couples view orgasm as the “end all be all” of sex. The truth is, orgasm is one small part of sex.

A healthy sex life involves holding hands, long hugs, communication, and yes, playing ass-grab in the kitchen.

But most importantly — and ask ANY woman — a healthy sex life involves foreplay.

a Sexy man grabbing a womans butt

Lots and lots of foreplay.

Enjoy sex as a slow-burn. Prioritize her pleasure over anything else. Focus on what lights HER up, and be open minded about what feels good to her. As this Men’s Health article suggests, bring her rainbows of pleasure by focusing on her clit.

Imagine bringing her to orgasm before you even come.

Understand that orgasm doesn’t have to be the end of sex.

Keep going.

Focus on her pleasure. Go down on her, kiss her all over, finger her, and break out some of her favorite toys.

She won’t even CARE (or remember) that you ejaculated early, my friend.

#8. Experiment with different sex positions that can help you last longer

Earlier we talked about how lowering your level of STIMULATION AND AROUSAL can help you last longer in bed…

When it comes to making the moment last, not all positions are created equally.

How long you last depends on your depth of thrust, how difficult a position is to hold, and your ability to relax and breathe.

Here are some positions you can try tonight to help you keep the sexy times rolling:


spooning kama sutra

This is one of my all-time favorite sex positions. It’s sweet, intimate, and frees up your hand to play with her boobs or clit!

When you’re spooning her, you’re entering her from a shallow position, meaning, you can’t get too deep. In and of itself, this position forces lower levels of penetration, because you can’t get balls-deep anyways.

Modified Cowgirl

modified cowgirl kama sutra

If you like having:

  • A clear view of her ass as she rides you, and
  • A clear view of her titties as she rides you

The modified cowgirl is the position for you!

In this position, she straddles you while she leans either WAY forward, or WAY back.

Which means, again, you can’t go too deep. Less stimulation, means you orgasm later.

Furthermore, this position allows you to relax while laying on your back, allowing for reduced tension and deeper breaths that help you stave off ejaculation.

Seated sex

seated sex kama sutra

You sit, and she rides you. She can call the shots, grinding back and forth, and going as quickly or slowly as she wants.

This position is great for allowing men to slow down and take a breather. Give her long, slow kisses. Play with her breasts. Relax your muscles, sit back, and enjoy the show!

Standing sex

standing sex kama sutra

Whether she’s facing away from you, or whether you’ve got her against a wall, standing sex is great for staving off premature ejaculation because this position requires you to think about holding her up and keeping your dick inside of her.

In a word, standing sex can be a little tricky.

Which means it takes your mind off the overwhelming sensations that make you want to come. (which, for the record, is a way hotter way to get distracted than thinking of Grandma Edna)


side by side sex position

You both face each other, and she slings her legs around your hips. You are both relaxed, and you can enter her shallowly and slowly.

Lowered doggie style

doggie style sex position

If you’re a lover of doggie style, but it makes you bust WAY too soon, consider Doggie Style’s cousin: LOWERED doggie style.

You both get into normal doggie style position, but she lowers herself down so she’s essentially laying on her belly.

You enter her from behind, essentially laying down on top of her.

This requires shorter, shallower strokes, and feels AMAZING for her because your will land right on her g-spot.

Premature ejaculation is the thief of confidence.

That’s why it’s worth it to DO something about it.

Imagine the swagger you’ll have when you are CONFIDENT you can last a solid 20, 30, and even 40 minutes.

Imagine how happy she’ll be when you can finally last long enough to give her endless pleasure and intense orgasms.

By taking these 7 daily actions, you will never again feel nervous and unsure about yourself when it comes to sex.

Instead of ending sex with embarrassment and frustation, you’ll end with her saying “Omg that was the best sex of my life.”

Come When You Want.

As one of the leading sexologists and sex coaches in the world, I’ve worked with thousands of men to help them reignite stale relationships, boost sexual confidence, and end premature ejaculation for good.

After seeing what works best for my clients, I’ve developed a 3-step process, “Release, Reclaim, and Reconnect”, or “The R3 System” for short.  My private clients RAVE about this method, and tell me that it has changed how they look at premature ejaculation forever.

So if you’re looking for a system that can help you:

  • end premature ejaculation for good
  • have loads of energy and endurance
  • boost your stamina
  • experience far less worry and stress
  • and have incredible sexual relationships…

In 90 days or less…. Then be sure to check out the Come When You Want Masterclass.

The Sex Tips That Women Want You To Know

Sign up today and receive the juiciest sex advice that will ignite a fire in your bedroom!