The Real Reason You Can’t Get an Erection (And What to Do About It)

A lot of men come to me who are convinced they have erectile dysfunction (ED).  

They’ve gone to their doctors and gotten prescriptions for Viagra, Trimix, and Cialis. They think their sexual function is broken, and are looking for treatment options to bring erectile function back.  

But I’m not so sure.  

These men need some kind of erectile dysfunction treatment, sure. But their problem might not be physical in nature. Their erectile dysfunction might not have anything to do with hormones or testosterone or use of alcohol or blood flow…  

There is an important difference.  

First a disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor. I am not a urologist, and I’m not your health care provider, so you really should get a physical examination regardless.
If you think your erectile problems means there’s an issue with your body (like high blood pressure, low testosterone, or prostate cancer…) go to the experts on bodies!
But consider this as well: a major cause of ED in young men is psychological. And if ED is caused by something going on in your brain, it’s not caused by a physical problem with your erectile function.
That means that taking Viagra, Trimix, or Cialis to solve a physical problem is not going to work.
That’s why I’ve seen even older men who take these medications and it has no effect on them. The mind is that strong!

Major Signs You Don’t Have Erectile Dysfunction

man getting an erection  before sex

Now, you’re the only one who knows your medical history and how your health might come into play when it comes to erectile function.

I’m not talking about men who have lifelong chronic diseases like diabetes. I am not talking about men who have had a real physical injury in or around their genitals (or even on different parts of their body). I’m not talking about men who have recently started a new prescription drug to treat any sort of condition, acute or chronic.  

This is specifically for men who have stopped being able to get erections, usually while they’re having partnered sex. Who am I talking about? I’m talking about men who:

  • Can still get an erection when they masturbate
  • Can still get an erection when they look at porn
  • Can still get an erection when they’re with another sexual partner like a mistress or “side piece” (hey, let’s be honest!)

But with their wife, their primary, their “main squeeze” … their dick is not answering the call. They’re having ED symptoms. Maybe their sexual dysfunction is so bad they can’t even have sexual intercourse at all. Their erection in this situation is MIA.  

But that’s just it – it’s situational. It’s psychological. Maybe the physical exam comes out clean.  

I’m talking about men who are young, with healthy immune systems who never smoke, never drink, who work out regularly, who have excellent cardiovascular health. And suddenly they can’t get an erection and they think that maybe it’s because their penis is broken?  

I think not.

I don’t think it’s a medical condition… I think it’s something else.  

The Real Reason You Can’t Get an Erection

erectile dysfunction causing relationship issues

You might be glad to know that if you’re otherwise PERFECTLY HEALTHY, chances are, your penis is perfectly healthy.  

So why is your erection AWOL?  

It’s your MIND! Your mind is the most powerful organ when it comes to having sex and being aroused!  

There is scientific evidence that shows that men who lose their jobs, experience relationship problems, or go through an otherwise stressful lifestyle changes (Breakups? Unrelated health problems in the family? Mental health concerns? Experiencing stress?) you are more likely to experience premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction.  

In a word, stress is a risk factor for erectile dysfunction.    

If you have something that hurts your ego, confidence, and sexual function – hurts your ability to perform and provide – you are more likely to see that impacted in your ability to get and maintain an erection.

Is this good news?

I think so!

No physical cause of the erection problem means no scary health condition!  

Why Therapy Can be Better Than Medication

happy couple enjoying coffee

It’s so important to differentiate whether you’re suffering from a physical or psychological problem. Why? Because medications given for an ED diagnosis have side effects, and they’re not cheap. (These pills can cost up to $15 PER PILL with insurance!) AND I truly believe that you should save the ED meds for when you’re much older and have a higher rate of actual, physical ED.

If you’re going to have to take medication for the rest of your life, you might as well wait. Why start a medication that you have to take every single time before sex when you’re young and under the age of 60 or 70?  

I see men taking all kinds of supplements and mysterious chemicals that they order off the internet because they’re sick of sexual dysfunction and think that there’s something up with their body. Trust me, there’s a better way to overcome impotence.

The truth is, if you can get an erection in the morning when you wake up, if you can get an erection when you masturbate to porn, and if you can get an erection on your own when your partner is not around, you don’t have erectile dysfunction!  

What you have is a challenge with sexual desire, performance anxiety, or psychological factors (like a problem in your relationship).  

And that, my friends, you are more likely to solve by going to a therapist, a counselor, a sex coach like myself, than any amount of medication is actually going to do for you.  

Find the Root of the Problem for a Better Sex Life

happy couple enjoying time together

There’s a lot of scary health problems out there… low testosterone levels, prostate cancer, coronary artery disease, high cholesterol, and more.  

My advice, stop Googling it, and see your health care provider.  

Seriously, there are so many men who are PANICKED, who spend so much of their day worrying about their sexual performance, and it’s amazing that they’re able to get anything done!  

Chances are, you have a job, you’re raising a family, you’re trying to be the best son possible to aging parents, and you have other things you want to accomplish. I want you to have a fulfilling life! Fully enjoying sexual activity is a part of that.  

When you’re dealing with sexual dysfunction, it’s a huge energy drain. It’s like a black hole. It takes all of your joy, sucks down all of your happiness. But when intercourse and arousal is going great, for the most part, you can handle all the other stuff that’s going on in your life.  

You DESERVE an amazing sex life! And you deserve to know that your body is CAPABLE.  

But if you’re not listening to your mind – if you’re not addressing your relationship problems, your confidence, self-esteem, your sense of worthiness – than your physical body isn’t going to perform its best… and you’ll start having sexual problems.  

So please, if you think you have erectile dysfunction, go to the urologist, but be aware that they may just slap on an Erectile Dysfunction diagnosis and send you away with medication, testosterone replacements or pumps that may or may not work.  

If you want to be able to get and maintain an erection during sex with your partner and there’s no other reasonable cause of your ED, no lifelong chronic disease, no family history of chronic disease, no vascular disease, no other injury to your body – if you don’t have a good reason for what’s going on, I BEG you to apply to work with me or go find someone in your area who is qualified to do the work on your mind. It might just be all in the psychology!  

The Come When You Want Method: Overcome Impotence and Achieve Firm Erections

I’ve worked with thousands of men just like you who struggle with Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, and problems with confidence in bed. The success rate for my Come When You Want Method has been so high that I turned it into an online course. Come When You Want is my step-by-step guide to lasting longer in bed, experiencing ejaculatory control, and developing unshakable confidence. It delivers many of the same tools I use in one on one coaching but in a video format you can access from your phone or computer. Check it out!

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