We have all had the experience of connecting with someone, falling in love, and feeling like maybe they’re “the one”.
Maybe you’ve been imagining a future together. Maybe you got her an engraved bracelet for Christmas.
But suddenly, she pulls away.
She stops acting like herself.
She takes eons to text you back, she doesn’t come around as much, and she drove all the way to Nashville just to get away. Alone. By herself.
Man, I’m telling you… this happens all the time.
The problem is, most men have no idea how to handle this.
Most men react in a way that damages their relationship.
Others drive the final nail in the coffin.
Here’s the truth…
This is the perfect time to show her that you are a high-value man who knows his worth.
That’s why, in this blog article, you’ll learn the 5 exact ways to respond that will show her you’re the real deal.
But there’s more to this…
You’ll learn the top 5 behaviors to avoid, and how these behaviors backfire.
Because you’re a man of honor and substance. And when a woman pulls away, you want to be a solid rock, head held high.
The 5 Habits You Should Avoid When Your Woman Pulls Away
In my years of coaching men, I have seen what it looks like for guys that are faced with breakups, divorce, ghosting, even just women who stop responding on messaging apps, and the ways that they deal with it that are, quite frankly, very unbecoming of a gentleman.
The good news is that each of these five things that men most commonly have an alternative that makes you more attractive to women, so this is actually a win-win.
Avoid these five very unattractive habits and look to cultivate in yourself these five very attractive habits that will actually draw women towards you, whether it’s this woman or the next one. Because you my friend are a prize, and I guarantee you, there will be a next one.
Do not chase her.
If a woman pulls away, she has a reason.
Maybe it’s because she’s not feeling the relationship anymore. Maybe she’s reconnected with an ex. Maybe she’s just not interested OR she’s pulling mindgames on you.
Whatever the reason is… do not chase.
The minute you start chasing her, you lose your value as a man. It’s not a very manly thing to do to chase a woman, it makes you a low value option. When she sees how easy you are, her attraction to you actually decreases.
You know the saying, “we don’t want what we already have”?
I can open up my refrigerator and there’s all kinds of epic delicious food in there that I could eat, but ordering sushi sounds 100 times better and so I’m more likely to pick up the phone and call takeout.
Humans have a strange tendency to not want what we already have, and we definitely don’t want whatever’s chasing us. When you chase a woman, you send the signal that she is more valuable than you are, and that you’re willing to work harder than you actually should to secure a relationship with her. This is a huge turn off.
She wants to be with someone who sends her the signal that he doesn’t NEED her … but he wants her around. He’s not going through an unhealthy amount of effort to land a relationship with her. He’s too secure in himself for that.
Do not pull away yourself.
“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” said Gandhi once. Mister Gandhi sure did have some great dating advice.
So, if you think you’re going to give her a taste of her own medicine, consider how inauthentic that would be. This is not who you actually are … and it’s not what you’re actually feeling.
This is just an immature response that you’ve been conditioned into … perhaps you’ve seen your parents doing this.
So, if you think she’s going to be the first to extend the olive branch — that the colder you get, the more likely she is to come back to you — consider whether this is a relationship dynamic that already exists for you. This is not a healthy dynamic, and if this is true for your relationship, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist or couples counselor. Because when one person withdraws and then the other withdraws, this is a recipe for disaster and divorce.
So don’t pull away. If you legitimately decide you’re not interested in her anymore, that’s absolutely fair. But don’t pull away just to teach her a lesson or play with her.
Do not get angry and aggressive.
A lot of guys feel wronged when their woman withdraws, and those feelings are understandable. Maybe you feel like this is unjust… maybe you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of.
But taking your anger out on people is not okay.
I’ve seen it plenty of times: when a woman pulls away and the guy goes into panic mode, threatening to “beat up your next boyfriend” or “be outside your house” or worse, threaten “to kill myself.”
This is all violence. It’s toxic masculinity 101. If you find yourself doing this stuff, once again, I ask that you see a licensed mental health professional, because this is behavior that often leads to people getting hurt — including yourself.
Listen — stuff like this just happens. It’s the normal course of life. But if you don’t get this anger in check, women will be more likely to pull away from you to begin with.
Do not play mind games.
Sometimes people of all genders play mind games (like pulling away). For example, when a woman pulls away because she actually wants more attention, or she wants more romance … this is a manipulative mind game. Steer clear.
If she pulls away only to set a trap to snare you and pull you in, don’t jump and play that mind game with her. It’s not worth your time.
We are not here to play mind games … this is not how healthy adults engage in relationships. You are worth more than this.
Do not beg and grovel.
“I would do anything! Tell me what I have to do! I will change who I am! I will change what I do and what I love! I will get a new car, break up with my family, I will never talk to my sister again!”
This does not look good.
It makes you look like a low-value man who she doesn’t want to be with. It just affirms her decision to move further away from you, and ruin your chances of ever having a relationship with her. You’re also risking damaging all the other important relationships in your life.
You see, begging is what we do when we think we’re not worthy. If you have to beg her to stay, do you really think this relationship is going to make you happy in the long run?
You might be thinking, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, I can’t let her leave.” If that’s the case, I’m so sorry. This is a heartbreaking scenario.
Trust that her leaving is for the greater good in one way or another. If it’s meant to be, she’ll come back, alright?
You are in control of your life. It’s up to you to make your life amazing. So, never beg a woman. It lowers your value, it sets you up for failure, and you may end up making sacrifices like changing your job or not speaking to other people in your life.
These consequences can be more damaging than staying with a woman who doesn’t value who you truly are.
5 Healthy Habits That Increase Your Value as a Man
Now we have the naughty habits out of the way, let’s dive into the healthy ways to respond that will be better for you in the long run.
When you see her pull away, let her know about your experience.
“Hey, I feel like you’re pulling away, I don’t like that. I’m really happy with our relationship, I want to keep going. It feels to me like you’re pulling away, you’re emotionally less available, you’re not responding to my texts as quickly. Are you pulling away? Just be honest with me, let me know what’s going on.”
This is challenging, because it requires you to be a good communicator.
Once you get those words out of your mouth, “Hey, this is how it feels to me. What’s going on with you?” You will feel better.
This is how you set yourself on track to have a positive end of the relationship, or recover and stay in this relationship in a healthy way.
This means being honest with your feelings too, like, “I really like you and I really want to keep working at this.”
If she says “I don’t think this will work out,” … or if she says she’s pulling away for reasons that have nothing to do with you, trust her.
Don’t let it affect your self-esteem or give you anxiety. Don’t live your days questioning it, losing sleep over it, just trust that she really knows what’s best for her. She has stated that and now she is taking actions in alignment with that.
Know your worth.
See yourself as a high-value man, as a prize in this relationship who she is losing the opportunity to be with.
She’s the one that doesn’t get to be with you, not the other way around. Hold your value and then act from that belief. Believing that you are valuable in your relationship is going to make you more attractive to her, and all of the other women that may soon learn you’re single.
Let go and learn from your experience.
It sucks, but it must be done.
Take the lesson that comes from the dissolution of the relationship or the end of the flirtations-ship or the ghosting on the dating app, drop it.
This goes along with not chasing it and not begging. Say your peace, be honest, communicate, and if she still doesn’t want to be in the relationship, you can say, “Well, hey, I would really like to be with you, so I’m sorry to hear you say that and I hope you change your mind.” Then drop it, take the life lesson being offered to you.
Be sad, have a couple beers with your buddies and then get back out on the dating scene, you stud.
Believe her actions, not her words.
If you feel that she’s pulling away, but she says she’s not, she loves you, she wants to be with you, she’s emotionally present, even though you can tell that she’s not… You might want to judge this situation based on her actions, not her words.
She says things are fine, but she stopped texting you, she never initiates text messaging anymore, she hasn’t invited you out in weeks. Say, “Listen, I know you’re saying that you’re not pulling away, your actions are telling a different story.” I’m going to just, living in my value, say, “You know what? I’m going to stop initiating. If you change your mind, hit me up, see you around. Peace, bye.”
This is the best way for you to cut through any mind games, hold your value and your worth in the relationship, and it takes out any of the guesswork.
Show up confidently to your relationships.
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