When it comes to lasting longer in bed, there are a lot of myths out there.
These myths are harmful because they cause various psychological factors that get in the way of treatment options that actually work for PE.
That’s why I’m here to dissect the top 10 most common myths that men (and women!) believe about premature ejaculation.Some of these are … as the kids say … real doozies.
Who am I and why should you trust me? I am sex and relationship coach Caitlin V. I am a sex coach who can help you maintain your erection to last longer in bed, and I am the creator of the Come When You Want Method for ending premature ejaculation and lasting as long as you want in bed.
So without further ado, here are the top 10 myths men believe about premature ejaculation.
Myth #1: Women want to be pounded away at for hours.
Am I suggesting that your sexual partner does not want sex to go on for a long time?
Not at all.
But listen – an hour or two of sex is sufficient.
You do not need to be pounding away and penetrating for an hour … hour and a half. … or more.
If you can have sex from start to finish (including foreplay) for about 45 minutes, that’s phenomenal. Women do not need much longer than that. In fact, only 20-30 minutes is what most women need in order to have an orgasm and to feel happy with your smokin’ sexual encounter.
Myth #2: There are medications that can fix premature ejaculation.
To date, there is no medication that cures premature ejaculation. Anyone that tells you otherwise is straight up lying. There are some prescription drugs – often antidepressants – that can be used to “treat” premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, but they don’t CURE PE.
Think of it like when you take Ibuprofen for a headache. The medication is not CURING your headache – it’s not tackling the dehydration or the allergies or the light sensitivity that caused your head to pound. It’s just a band-aid, really. Antidepressants don’t cure premature ejaculation – they just make it harder for you to ejaculate at all….Which is not better. You’re trading one sexual dysfunction for the other.
Myth #3: That wipes, creams, and numbing condoms can cure premature ejaculation.
What they CAN do is make you feel nothing and make you go soft. They don’t cure early ejaculation any more than a band-aid cures an axe wound.
I think I’ve made this clear.
Myth #4: Premature ejaculation gets better with age.
Much like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation does NOT get better with age.
I have plenty of clients who come to me struggling with premature ejaculation who are in their forties, fifties and sixties. They might be on their second marriage or they’re dating a new woman after a nasty divorce and they thought their sexual disorder would be solved by now.
They thought they were going to be able to last longer in bed because damnit, they’re a full-grown adult… only to find out that this issue persists.
These men end up signing up with 1:1 coaching with me because they’re sick of dealing with it, they want it solved, because they’re been dealing with premature ejaculation for the last three decades. They’re sick of ejaculating too soon, they’re sick of sex being over too quickly, and they’re tired of the shame and embarrassment associated with that.
So if you’re 18 and reading this, good for you for getting on your sex therapy early! Just know that it’s not going to go away on it’s own. You’re not going to wake up one day when you’re twenty five and **poof** be able to last as long as you want during sexual intercourse. You need to do something about it, and the sooner, the better.
Myth #5: Premature ejaculation is caused by too many nerve endings on the tip of your penis.
Listen… The clitoris has MANY times the number of nerve endings that you have on your penis.
And yet, the minute that someone touches my clit, I do not explode into a thousand pieces. This is because it has nothing to do with the number of nerve endings on your penis. Which is why numbing creams don’t work!
Myth #6: You can make up for it by using your hands and mouth.
A lot of the men that come to work with me will say things like “It’s fine, I’m really good at oral sex. I’m really good at using my hands.” That’s great. But it’s different.
Oral sex is phenomenal. But I wouldn’t trade oral sex for vaginal penetration. I want you to be a well-rounded lover. Relying on your strengths and ignoring your weaknesses is not the best way to get better at sex.
#7: Going to a doctor will help you.
For the record, I definitely think you should go to the doctor. I think the average man doesn’t go to the doctor enough. Y’all need a checkup.
(PS – It’s time to get your testosterone levels checked. Go to trylgc.com/caitlinv for your very own testosterone test.)
But no doctor is going to be able to help you with premature ejaculation unless that doctor is a psychologist.
Even then, most psychologists and therapists are not well trained in dealing with premature ejaculation. In fact, the average sex therapist gets a really outdated training that’s literally 50-60 years old. There’s not a ton of updated science they use as a standard protocol for counseling and care.
Don’t get me wrong – there some highly qualified sex therapists that do their own research and have a high-quality standard of care, but it’s not common for them to be using modern science like you’ll find in my Come When You Want course.
Now, a sex therapist will be able to help if you’re suffering from things like performance anxiety or depression that are affecting your sex life. In this case, please do go see a trained mental health professional.
Myth #8: You can fix it without any help from your partner.
A lot of guys think they’re going to cure their premature ejaculation without ever addressing it with their partner or letting them even know you’re working on it. I always advise against this with my 1:1 clients. I want your partner to be invested in you boosting your average time to ejaculation.
The thing is, most guys end up lasting longer because they want sex to be better for their partner. So by not communicating about trying to fix this, that you’re working with a sex coach or taking a course, it’s not setting the strongest foundation for creating a better sex life. Communicate with her. Let her know how she can help you last longer in bed! (In fact, women can really help men beat premature ejaculation once and for all!)
Myth #9: By curing premature ejaculation, you’re automatically going to be amazing at sexual intercourse.
The average guy that comes to work with me believes that if he can last for 30 minutes, he’ll be able to automatically be a great lover and she’ll be screaming down the house during intercourse. Being a great lover is more than just minutes on a clock.
Myth #10: She’s not reaching orgasm because I’m not lasting long enough in bed.
Here’s the truth – your stamina is probably not the only reason she’s not reaching orgasm from penetration.
Bringing a woman to orgasm through penetrative sex is a system and a process. It is not as simple as banging away from the perfect angle using the perfect thrusting technique. It’s more complicated than that. You need a system. In fact, it doesn’t even start there. Being a great lover requires being able to read her, connect with her, and understand her unique sexual needs.
So if you are interested in helping your partner achieve orgasm through penetrative sex, I highly suggest you check out my course She Comes Too, which helps men become amazing lovers and easily bring their woman to orgasm every single time.