Stop being the nice guy.

Many men wonder aloud, “Why am I always stuck in the friend zone?” They wonder why all the “other guys” get attention from women, while they’re left to flounder.

And often, they follow it up with, “And I’m the NICE guy.”

Here’s the problem: men who consider themselves the “nice guy” don’t get what they want out of life. They constantly wonder what they’re doing wrong. They often feel powerless, allow others to run their life, and more frequently than not, find themselves in the victim position.

That’s why it’s essential to clear up a few things, namely, why the term “nice guy” is misleading (and why being the nice guy isn’t so nice).

man lounging with woman - how to stop being the nice guy

The Problem with the Term ‘Nice Guy’

As a professional sex and relationship coach, I have a problem with the term “nice guy”. Because I hope that if you’re a guy, that you’re nice. That you’re a nice person.

So instead of calling it, “the nice guy”, I have decided to instead use the term “martyr”.

Because martyrs aren’t actually nice guys.

After growing up from always being the martyr, you can aim to become the evolved man, “the kind man”.

Because look — women want you to be nice.

We are not trying to take kindness away from men. Instead, we are aiming to remove the manipulation and ickiness of what it truly means to be “the nice guy”.

Because what “nice guys” are doing is actually not conscious or productive. Their behaviors are not good for women.

What is a Nice Guy (Martyr)?

Before you can decide to stop being the nice guy, to stop being the martyr, you have to acknowledge how being the nice guy benefits you in some way.

Because you wouldn’t have been the martyr for so long if you didn’t get some direct benefit from these behaviors.

Nice guys:

  • Please people
  • Never have to stand up for themselves
  • Never have to declare their own intentions or desires
  • Never have to really try and therefore never fail
  • Never stand up for anything, so they’re never on the hook for anything
  • Stays inside their comfort zone

In many ways, being the martyr is easy, because women don’t get mad at welcome mats and they don’t reject welcome mats.

The downsides of being the nice guy

It’s too easy to go from being a welcome mat to being needy and, honestly, kind of creepy.

Because if you need everyone to like you, than you’re walking around with so much need from others.

At the end of the day, nice guys aren’t nice. They’re not good for themselves and they’re not good for women. They don’t have integrity — they’re just out to earn ass and get something from women.

5 Ways to Stop Being the Nice Guy

stop being the nice guy - be a confident man

So how can you stop being the nice guy/martyr/manipulative person that doesn’t stand for anything?

1. Stop trading favors for women’s attention

You don’t have to win love, you don’t have to win affection. You don’t have to earn it.

So stop doing her laundry, stop expressing her dog’s anal glands. Be your own damn person.

2. Learn how to love yourself

Treat yourself well, build your own self-worth. Give yourself what you want and take care of yourself. This means spending time on things that you’re really good at, that make you feel better about yourself and more confident.

3. Ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want

This means that you have boundaries, healthy boundaries. This means you have your own wants and desires and your own intrinsic motivations because nice guys only exist relative to others. They don’t actually have their own wants, and desires and goals for their own lives. Nice guys are unable to express their own desires, but good men have desires that they are comfortable expressing. They have boundaries that they’re comfortable putting forward to protect themselves, to protect their own energy and their relationships.

4. Care less what people, especially women, think about you

We all have this streak inside of us where we want other people to think we’re doing it right, and we’re afraid of being judged by others. But you have to get comfortable with other people not always being happy with you 24/7. You have to learn to stand in your own power, in your own purpose and the most important thing is that you’re doing what you believe is right for your life. And you don’t need to be seeking approval from every damn girl on the internet. That’s exhausting.

5. Have integrity. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Don’t bullshit women, don’t bullshit people. Dont just say what people want to hear.

A good man has integrity because it tells it like it is, he tells it straight and he does what’s right and true for him.

So these are the five ways to stop being the martyr, stopping the nice guy.

happy couple by seashore - stop being the nice guy

What if your entire relationship or your marriage is built on you being this nice guy martyr?

This is not impossible to fix, but if this sounds like you, you need to apply for coaching. All day every day, my team and I help men like you create the life and relationship of your dreams. We can help you become a powerful leader at work, and help you become an incredible, sexy, talented lover in the bedroom.

Nice guys — I’ll make one final plea to you. Trust me when I say that what you think has been working for you, has not actually been working for you. So please test this out for yourself and see how your relationships change as a result. Get clear on what you’re losing by being the nice guy, and get clear on how to become your best, most masculine self.

Do You Know These 10 Epic Sex Positions?

If you’re looking for a way to switch it up in the bedroom, or maybe you’re just curious about the endless possibilities of human coital contortion, I’m sharing the ten most epic sex positions, guaranteed to add spice to your sex life. Now some of these are Cirque Du…

What Women REALLY Think about your Pubic Hair

You’re on the internet, minding your own business, when suddenly you see it: an article about manscaping.  As you shift anxiously in your chair, you are suddenly hyper aware of the forested regions in your boxers… your pubes are as untouched and wild as Yosemite.  It…

How to Get Her to Initiate Sex More

Do you feel like you’re the only one in your relationship initiating sex?  Or at least you’re the person initiating a vast majority of the time?  You’re the one reaching under the covers once the lights go off… rubbing your hand along your partner’s body, hoping…

What are the Best Deep Sex Positions for a Small Penis?

This article is dedicated to all you sexy dudes who don’t exactly have a cricket bat dangling between your legs. And that’s okay! Honestly, getting penetrated by a cricket bat sounds painful and awkward. So Romeo, if your sex quill is a little bit smaller than…

What to do if Your Partner Comes Out as Bisexual

Bisexuals: Those who are romantically interested in both men and women.  Now, when you first got together with your partner, you probably assumed they were into ONLY your gender. And now they’re coming out as bisexual. When your partner comes out as bisexual, it…

Women hate it when guys do these 10 creepy things

As a sex coach for men, I know that the average guy is a good guy. Most men come to me for sex coaching because they want to become a great lover to women. But if you’re engaging in any of the behaviors I am about to discuss, you might be ruining your chances with…

10 Ways to Become Amazing at Fingering

If you can have penis-in-vagina sex and roll around the sack for hours, why would you want to finger her?  Answer: Because fingering is one of the BEST tools in your foreplay arsenal. Use fingering to help her open up for wider, thicker things, like big toys, big…

Top 10 Craziest Sex Toys on Amazon

Sex toys are a fantastic way to add some color to your sex life, whether it’s solo or with a partner.  If you’re looking for ways to spice it up, a vibrator can go a long way. Incorporating a blindfold, dildo, or some bondage gear – if you’re feeling freaky -…

How to Be More Attractive to Women

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, or how much is in your bank account. As long as you understand what creates attraction, you can pull any woman into your orbit and make her fall hard for you. But in order for a woman to fall for you, the conditions…

6 Benefits of Exploring Mutual Masturbation With Your Partner

You may not have heard the term “mutual masturbation” since middle school sex ed, but as a sex and relationship coach, I’m here to bring it back, because it’s a pleasure-filled gold mine. In this article, I’m breaking down what mutual masturbation is, why it’s hot,…

Reignite The Spark with a NEW Date Night Game for Couples Who Want a Happier, Healthier, and More Intimate Relationship

Stock is low and limited edition will run out soon.

How to be a Better Lover Quiz

Find Exactly How to Be a Better Lover Tonight!