Porn used to be hard to come by. 

And if you DID look at porn, you hid it, didn’t talk about it, never shared it with anyone else, not your parents, not your friends, not your boys, not anyone.

But this has changed. 

With the rise of internet porn, the accessibility of things like Orange Tube and things like OnlyFans, porn has gained legitimacy in our culture.

Why the wide acceptance of porn is a good thing 

As a sex and relationship coach, I am personally glad that sex has made it into the mainstream conversation.

Sex positivity is important. It’s a vital wave of the future. All our lives, most of us have been told that sex is somehow bad, dirty, wrong shameful, and yet, it’s the single most important thing to share with the person we love most. 

I believe that universally, we are all tired of hearing that sex is bad. 

So now, we’re going in a new direction. 

We now view porn as a source of legitimate sexual education, sexual stimulus, and sexual experience.  And more people than ever are watching porn. More people than ever are watching porn, and quite frankly, there’s a wider variety of porn than has ever been available before: different genders, sexualities, sex acts, kink, a wider variety of porn directors, more plot, more ethically-produced porn … there’s a whole lot of porn out there.

The downsides of porn becoming mainstream

But as with all things, there’s a downside to porn becoming so popular. 

Sex-positive educators on the internet (like myself), are being shut down, censored, and banned for producing sex-positive content. There’s a conflation of sex positivity with internet porn. This is unfortunate, because sex education is sorely lacking in the United States, so educators on the internet are seeking to fill this education gap. 

(Because all too often, sex education in America is a health teacher lecturing you on syphilis and telling you that if you have sex, your penis will fall off.) 

Things to consider as you safari through the wilds of internet porn

While I believe the proliferation of porn is largely a positive thing, there are things to consider to ensure you have the most positive, healthy relationship with porn possible. 

Use porn intentionally. 

Just as when you’re eating a decadent chocolate cake, its best to use porn mindfully, and stay connected to your body and intention. 

When you focus on the flavor of the chocolate cake, for example, it satisfies your sweet tooth so you don’t eat the entire cake. Same goes with porn — mindful usage leads to a healthier relationship so you don’t end up over doing it or becoming reliant on it. 

If anything bothers you, talk about it. 

If you feel the need to hide your porn usage, or worry that you might have an unhealthy relationship with porn, this is a great opportunity for you to connect with a professional like me, a coach, or a sex therapist, or a licensed mental health provider in your area who can help you to examine your relationship and establish a healthier relationship with porn.

One of the cool things about porn being so ubiquitous is that we actually can talk about it. 

If you’ve been watching internet porn your whole adult life, consider taking a breather. 

If you’re under 30 and grew up watching porn (coupled with crappy sex education growing up), I ask you to consider doing a porn cleanse. Get away from porn and fill up your mind with other ideas of what sex is, and what sex looks like. 

Because you know what?  Porn is not sex education. They are not the same, you should not treat them the same and you should not have expectations of your body to do what porn stars do.

4. Let’s empower the sex educators out there. 

And finally, let’s make sure that the informative, science-based, sex-positive educators out there are no longer censored and shut down. Because what we do here is really important. 

Empower Your Sex Life 

Are you worried about your porn usage? Do you feel like it’s getting in the way of a positive relationship and healthy sex life? I encourage you to apply for coaching today. Through sex coaching, you can enter the bedroom with confidence, skill, and enjoy an amazing sex life.