Is Masturbating Ruining Your Sex Life?

Masturbation! Jerking off! Wanking it! Playing a solo on the skin saxophone! Dick pilates! Dungeons and Dragons where the dick is the dice and your cum is your plus seven fire attack!

I like to think of masturbation as a gift from the cosmos… a way to experience momentary pleasure in a world that can often be cruel and painful. Or, in other words, life is suffering but hey! At least we have masturbation.

And, we do it no matter what our relationship status is. We honk it when we’re single and when we’re in a committed relationship.

But too much of a good thing can start to cause significant issues with your sexual arousal and even cause trouble in your sex life. AND, an overabundance of self-pleasure can start to cause sexual issues like premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction.

Do you find yourself with performance anxiety or low libido? Or, do you often find it easier to just fap instead of having sex?

If you answer yes to those questions, don’t worry! We’re discussing why we lean on masturbation as a sexual outlet AND how to tell if it’s negatively affecting your relationship with sex, particularly your physical and emotional intimacy with your partner.

Man using smartphone while watching porn and ignoring sexy woman in bed at night.

Why do we love to masturbate?

Well.. it feels good! It’s like a Mardi Gras parade coming out of your dickhole. That’s because when ejaculation occurs, releases oxytocin, which feels frickin’ great. Men also masturbate to de-stress after a tough day, to disassociate from whatever they’re dealing with in their lives, or just out of boredom. Also, when they’re in a relationship where the sex is becoming bland or scarce, masturbation can help release some sexual tension.

So, I ask you, are you leaning on masturbation as a crutch or as a way to avoid dealing with issues in the bedroom?

Close-up of a man's hand unzipping his pants and getting ready to masturbate.

5 signs that masturbating ruining your sex life

It might be, and you might not even realize it. Because you’re too busy trying to open your personal pringles can! Here are five signs to look out for.

1. You’ve lost interest in real sex.

Ugh, sex again? Nah, that’s too much work. Why play sports when you can just play Madden on your Xbox, you know?

2. You lose chunks of time in your day.

You don’t get things done, you miss out on important things, you check your phone and it’s 4 pm and you’ve been sitting with your gym shorts around your ankles in front of your laptop for seven hours looking at the same celebrity boob. Time to reel it in and put the fishing pole away.

3. You obsess over masturbation.

You can’t get enough! You’re distracted in your daily tasks. For example, if you’re on a work call and all you can think about is jiggling your frosting tube? You’re in obsessive territory, my friend. Same if the skin of your penis is starting to get damaged or sore. That’s a sign you’re masturbating too much.

4. Reaching an orgasm with your partner during regular intercourse becomes difficult.

That’s likely because you’ve taught your body that it can only experience an orgasm one way: with your hand around it, with no one else around.

5. It’s becoming a risky business.

You’re spending tons of money on porn and/or engaging in riskier behavior to serve your habits, like masturbating in inappropriate places or suddenly finding yourself very quickly descending into darker, more violent types of porn.

a young caucasian man lying on the couch watches porn on his laptop.

How porn affects your sex life

Porn is the way we outsource our eroticism. Sure, it serves a purpose, but it can easily become detrimental to our sex lives if it starts to control how we engage in sexual activity.

Porn is also a shortcut to achieving ejaculation. It does all the hard work for us. It takes a lot of effort to get your mind and body fully present to have sexual intercourse, to be with your partner and open to all the sensations your body can experience.

On the other hand, porn takes us outside ourselves and puts all of our energy and focus on the screen, so we’re not really dialing into our bodies.  

Porn is also VERY pervasive inside our lizard brains. If you’re having sexual intercourse with your partner and you find yourself thinking of porn scenes, or you have to think of a specific porn scene in order to orgasm, that is a sign what you’re jerking it to when you’re alone is starting to disassociate you from real-life eroticism and intimacy.

Lastly, there is a tendency among porn users to view more intense and aggressive porn over time. This could cause that switch in the brain that discerns between sexuality and aggressiveness to get fried and you could start to lose a sense of what your partner actually wants, or develop urges beyond what she is comfortable with.

Should You Limit How Often You Masturbate?

So, all this is to say, there’s a very compelling argument to limit your relationship with masturbation to better serve your relationship with your partner. I’m not saying NEVER twist the sausage, of course. We should all have a sexual connection with our own bodies. And, the amount of healthy masturbation you engage in can be contextual to your age or relationship status.

If you’re a single dude in Montana where it’s tough to meet women, by all means shaking the devil’s finger on occasion can be a healthy way to maintain a sexual relationship with yourself and to alleviate those carnal urges. However, don’t let masturtbation keep you from seeking out a partner. It’s a nice, temporary relief to orgasm when we are uncomfortable or unsatisifed, but sometimes we need a little discomfort to motivate us to get out there and meet people and date. 

Again, there’s a lot to be said about the men who limit the expulsion of their sexual energy and save it for their sexual partners. So, the next time you have an urge to get in your own pants, maybe pause a moment and ask if it might be better to save it for when you’re with your partner.

Don’t Wait for Issues to Go Away On Their Own.

Mainly because they might NOT go away on their own.

Instead, apply for help in the coaching program I designed specifically for men like you. It’s called High Performance Male. In it, we discuss how to live as a high performance man both in the bedroom and in the boardroom. We talk about how to save your sexual energy for your wife, or if you’re single, how to turn that sexual energy into your secret dating sauce that makes you more attractive to women (and makes them want to do all kinds of crazy things with you.)

Apply by clicking here.

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