If you want to foster an epic relationship, you need to know the MOST IMPORTANT ingredient to making your woman want you, pine for you, and dream after you.
In this article, I’m going to show you 7 exact steps to making a woman insatiably crave you, whether you just started dating or are celebrating 40 years together. You’ll learn that some beliefs you may have about relationships might actually be harming your love life and causing her to lose interest. AND, you’ll become a more confident, more interesting human being in the process.
A Common Belief That Stifles Relationships
Our entire lives, we’ve been taught that in order to have a happy, healthy relationship with staying power, we need to spend every waking minute together with our partners — that we have to do everything together, know everything about them, and BE everything to each other.
In fact, we’re taught that wanting space from your lover must mean that there’s a problem.
But look, I want you to scrap this. BANISH it from your minds.
Because I’m about to drop a truth bomb.
What Relationships Really Need to Survive
The ONE essential ingredient every relationship needs to thrive… is space.
The flames of passion cannot burn if there is no air to fan them.
If there’s no space between you and your partner, you’re going to end up with a stale relationship, stagnant energy, boredom, resentment, and even your partner going all RAMBO on you if she hears the sound of you chewing ONE MORE TIME.
Because without a little bit of air… how is your partner supposed to miss you?
How are they supposed to close to gap between you when there’s no gap?
And if you’re new in this relationship, how is your partner supposed to want to take the next step when all they might need is a little bit of a break?
You might be experiencing this already, especially during the quarantine. You might be around each other WAY more often these days because of lockdowns. Maybe you’ve been fighting a lot, the sex has gotten mechanical and boring, that is, if you’re having it at all. Maybe you’re getting on each other’s nerves.
Why you want her to miss you
So first… why would you want to add more space to your relationship? Why should you WANT your partner to miss you?
Reason #1: not having any space in a relationship is highly associated with breakups.
Literally, you’re more likely to break up if you don’t have space than if you have a bad sex life. One study followed hundreds of married couples for over 25 years. By the end of the study, about half of the couples ended up divorced. During this period, the researchers found that a huge percentage of people said that the reason they broke up was because they didn’t “Have enough privacy or time for myself in the relationship.” (Surprisingly, women said this more often than men.)
Reason #2: Space combats boredom
I know from experience, conversation becomes ELECTRIC if I haven’t seen my partner in a few days. Whenever we touch each other, it’s intoxicating. The sex is energetic and creative. And we remember how much we enjoy each other’s company. And it’s a huge relief.
Reason #3: Space is a form of self-care
When you take a break from others, you can care for yourself. People who take care of themselves make great partners.
Reason #4: Space fosters independence and a sense of identity
When the relationship becomes your identity, you become overly concerned with it, overly attached to it, you start to emmesh with your partner, and where you end and they begin starts to get kind of blurry. This is not healthy.
In fact, space is needed for confidence. You need space so you can take care of yourself, know your worth, and to be the person that attracted your partner to begin with.
If you struggle with this, please apply to my coaching program High Performance Male. In this course, we work on the factors that cause enmeshment. We address not just the symptoms of enmeshment, but we actually tackle it at the source. We talk about:
- who you are
- how you relate to others
- how to get back your sense of self and confidence
- how to draw partners to you like a magnet by creating space around you that’s exciting for them to cross.
Reason #5: Giving your partner a little bit of space takes away pressure to be everything to each other.
No one person can be everything to their partner. Literally one person alone cannot give you everything you need for happiness. That is a lot of pressure to put on one person, and this is why so many people end up sad, rejected, and even divorced.
So now let’s talk about how to create space in a relationship. Because you don’t want to create the kind of space that makes her wonder if you care about her… or the kind of space that leaves her questioning if you’re even attracted to her. So how do you introduce healthy space in your relationship… without ending up emotionally cold?
Top 7 ways to make her miss you
#1. Do things that interest you
Having your own interests and hobbies is healthy. Your interests become an opportunity to escape into a flow state — something that gives you pleasure, so that when you come home, you’re bringing freshness, zest, and energy, home to your partner.
After all, you being at the boxcar derby gives her a chance to miss you, and gives her a chance to admire your craftsmanship.
#2. Spend time with your friends.
As a sex coach, I realize all the time that my male clients often do not have many friends. men tend to not have deep, meaningful, vulnerable friendships in which they can share what’s really going on for them, what’s challenging them, or what’s going great for them.
So spend more time with your friends! This improves how SHE sees you, because it makes you seem more valuable, since you have the respect of your fellow men.
It’s incredibly sexy when a man has a group of people who love him, who he spends time with. And remember: these relationships require regular maintenance. So if you haven’t spoken to your buddies in a while, give them a call.
#3. Keep communication equal.
If you find yourself being the only one initiating conversation or hangout time, be mindful.
You don’t want to chase her. If you chase her, it makes it look like you have nothing else to do. Quite frankly, it makes you seem boring.
As counterintuitive as this seems, you do not want to convey to her that she is the center of your universe. And if she WANTS to be the center of your universe, run the other way, because it means she’s not looking for a healthy relationship.
#4. Encourage her to do her own thing.
Women tend to take care of a lot of everyone else, more than themselves. So encourage her to go spend time with her friends, and to enjoy her hobbies and to develop herself as a full person. She will love you for it. And she will love that you are giving her that freedom away from the relationship to pursue her own things.
#5. Don’t talk about yourself too much.
Women burn out on this behavior pretty fast.
Instead, be a good listener. Ask her questions about herself and her life, because listening is one of the best ways to support a woman, and good listeners are considered mature and even a little bit mysterious.
And if you show her that you’re a good listener, and she can talk to you about anything and that you’re a steady presence to be around, then she’s going to miss that when you’re not necessarily available to her.
#6. Do something fun when you’re together.
Doing fun things together not only releases feel-good chemicals into our brains, but it also helps us make permanent memories of our time together.
This will make her miss the fun experiences you bring into her life. And it will add a freshness to the relationship.
#7. Lay off the technology.
When you’re not together, don’t bomb her phone. Don’t feel like you have to keep tabs on her 24/7. She’s not going to blow away in the wind if she’s not texting you all the time. If you’re texting her, and blowing up her phone and not leaving her alone, this can come off as desperate and even controlling.
So, if you want your woman to find you deeply interesting, if you want to be full of confidence, find your self worth, and BE desired and missed, you have to give your partner – and yourself – some space. Only through space can you fan the flames of desire, become a well-rounded man, find your individuality, and take pressure off your relationship.