How to have Tantric Sex (5 Skills to Borrow from Tantra)

Today we’re talking TANTRA, baby.

Tantra is an ancient sexual art that has been shrouded in secrecy and mystery for thousands of years.

Even if you don’t devote your sex life to a tantric yoga practice, you can still learn so much from tantra to improve your sex life, become more in-tune with yourself and your partner, and even last longer in bed.

In this article, you’ll learn how to tap into five tantric skills to make your sex life amazing… whether you’re rolling solo or with a partner.

What is Tantra?

Simply put, tantra is a sexual practice rooted in a specific understanding of energy. Tantra is a sexual practice that’s rooted in meditation. This means that you’re having sex with a greater intention of connection. Connection to your mind, body, and soul – as well as your partners. Tantra, in Sanskrit, literally means ‘woven together’.

In other words, the string that holds together all the other strings — all the other energies in your life.

In a nutshell this means:

  • Having sex with a greater sense of connection to yourself, to your soul, or even to a higher power.
  • Sex that feels deeper, more profound, and spiritually powerful
Couple performing Tantra sex

5 Ways to incorporate Tantra into your sex life

Ask yourself: “Do I want to feel an incredible, ecstatic experience when it comes to sex? Or do I want sex to remain sort of ho-hum?”

If this sounds good to you, read on.

1. Slow Down

The key to Tantra is beling in tune with yourself and your partner. It’s about bringing an awareness of your body and mind into the sexual experience.

We have to slow down so we can pay attention to what’s going on. For example, if you’re driving down the freeway at 80 miles an hour, you’re not able to catch the little details of the flowers along the road. Slowing down is what allows us to get in touch with what’s happening in this moment.

Not only does slowing down and tuning into your body make sex last longer, but you’re also going to be more receptive to how it feels. So take the time to savor every sensation.

Couple looking into each others eyes in bed.

2. Breathe

To get a little yogic on you: breath is the bridge between the conscious and the unconscious mind.

So much about tantric sex — and sex in general — has to do with breath.

Think back to the last time you had sex, whether it was with a partner or yourself, there were natural shifts in your breathing. Breathing increases when you’re aroused. It gets even faster as you’re close to orgasm. Think about the big, relieving breaths you take right after you cum.

Paying attention to breath and how it affects sexual arousal is one of the core elements of tantra.

Breathing is also a great tool to stabilize you and cool you down if you’re getting close to orgasm before you and your partner are ready. Mastering breath can help you master your orgasms.

Of course, tantra is only one piece of the puzzle when it comes to lasting longer in bed. If you want to take your sex game to the next level, there are tons of tools and resources available to you in my master class Come When You Want, to achieve ejaculatory control and be able to last as long as you want in bed.

Now my next tip may surprise you, because you can hone your ability to give her the long-lasting sex she’s been craving … without even stepping foot in the bedroom.

3. Mindfulness

Being present in the moment is something we all struggle with.

We live in a world where we’re surrounded by screens, and a 24-hour news cycle, and a million different thoughts. We’re so productive, we’ve got bills and deadlines and relatives, and maybe you’re in a constant struggle to keep your house plants alive. It’s a lot. And with everything on our minds, it’s hard to just be.

If you think these distractions are not following you into the bedroom, my friend, guess again.

There’s nothing worse than feeling like your partner is lightyears away during sex, even if it’s just for a moment. Being present during sex is a crucial part of keeping any woman satisfied.

Not only will mindfulness improve your overall mood and sense of wellbeing… it’ll also have a huge impact on your performance in the sack.

And if you want to be more present during sex, the learning starts outside the bedroom. Here’s how.

Take a walk.

You’d be surprised by the power of a calming stroll through the neighbourhood. Put on some calming music and focus on your surroundings. Try to take some time out of your day to leave the stress and to do lists behind and focus on a simple, repetitive task. Just put one foot in front of the other and see how good it feels to have the rest melt away, even for 15 minutes.

Meditate.

Meditation has so many health benefits, and you bet your ass you bring them into the bedroom. The key to meditation is to focus on your breath and allow your thoughts to pass by without clinging to any of them. There are some great meditation guides online, like Headspace. Just a quick Google search will take you to an endless list of resources.

Take a second to breathe.

That breath work we talked about earlier? Not just for the bedroom. It’s great to take a few moments out of your day, put whatever you’re doing on pause for a minute, and take a few deep, cleansing breaths.

A man leaning against a tree and meditating

4. See your Partner as a Divine Being

Every woman wants to be seen as a sex goddess. End of story.

At its core, tantra is a way to merge with the divine. Now for our purposes, it doesn’t really matter where you land in terms of spirituality… treating your partner as a divine being is all about CONNECTION — creating a sense of deep intimacy.

Tantra isn’t about gratifying yourself. It’s about experiencing a deep and authentic bond with the person you’re having sex with. It’s about getting below surface level and really merging with a person in an energetic way.

When you look at sex this way, it sounds pretty magical. And that’s what connecting to your partner’s divinity is all about.

Trust me, if you enter the bedroom with this mindset, your partner will notice. Whether it’s setting the standard in a new relationship or revitalizing a sexual bond that’s in a bit of a rut, I guarantee that taking a page out of tantra will reenergize your bond.

Young couple having Tantric sex

5. Use the Power of Your Sex Sounds

If you think that tantric sex is quiet and tame, think again.

Just because you’re going slow does NOT mean it’s a timid, shy act. If you take the time to learn how to be present and gain a deep, intimate connection during sex, some wild feelings and sensations will come up.

And getting wild is a part of it!

The sounds we make during sex are intuitive and come from different parts of our bodies.

Think about it — the sounds we make during sexual arousal vary from light, wispy moans to deep, guttural grunts. Being in tune with these sounds — and allowing yourself to make them — is a key part of tantric sex. This how sex becomes a full body experience.

Man and woman channeling their sexual energy

(Bonus!) Tantric Pro-Tip

Sex is energy. We feel it in the form of heat. It makes us hot. It makes us feel the need to RELEASE.

Sexual energy is creative energy. And you can channel and release it through many non-sexual acts. The key to keeping things flowing comes back to INTENTION.

Channelling your sexual energy can be done through lots of different activities. You can channel it in creative pursuits, like painting, drawing, sculpting, or even building a dollhouse.

You can also channel this creative energy into movement. Whether it’s dance, a brisk walk, or a full-on workout, the key is to do it with intention.

Next time you’re feeling experimental, try doing something with the mindful purpose of keeping those sex juices flowing. So whether you’re out for a run or sketching something at home, focus on your breathing and visualize an energy source moving from your genitals up and out of the top of your head.

It sounds a little wild, but it works. You’ll end feeling refreshed, reenergized, and ready to wow the next time you’re between the sheets.

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