You know the feeling: you see a remarkably beautiful, knock-out of a woman, and then you see the man she’s with. And all you can think is, “she’s with HIM?”
“How’d he get a girl like that?”
There is something men often overlook when trying to figure out why they haven’t landed the one yet.
Whether you’re just looking to casually date or you’re looking to lock something down for the long term… there may be one reason why you’re not attracting the type of women you want.
Because you could be very handsome, wear the coolest clothes, and be a successful man, but if you lack this one thing, women won’t want to stick around you for long.
I’m talking about your MINDSET. Your mindset is the lens through which you see the world. It dictates how you make decisions and what those decisions are… and having a strong, confident mindset is incredibly sexy.
Table of Contents
The 7 Mindsets that attract women like crazy
All women are different. Everyone looks for different traits in a partner.
There are however, some universal qualities that all women are drawn to…. and repelled by.
So let’s dive into the 7 mindsets that attract women: and their cock-blocking opposites.
1. Abundance vs. Scarcity
Abundance vs Scarcity… These terms were initially coined in the best-selling book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
- view the world as a finite pie, where some people get what they want and others don’t have a chance?
- find yourself thinking that when someone lands a great new job or the woman of their dreams, it means there’s one less piece of the pie to go around for you?
If you identify with these statements, you may have a scarcity mindset.
On the other hand, if you have an abundance mindset, you believe:
- the world has limitless options and opportunities.
- that you’ll figure it out — that good things are coming their way.
Not only do women find this incredibly attractive and reassuring, it’s also so beneficial to your own personal growth and wellbeing.
2. The Victor vs. The Victim
“I wanna be with a man who feels like the entire world is out to get him,” said no woman ever.
Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive. But if you want to lead a happier, more empowered life, I highly recommend staying away from self victimization.
If you have a victim mindset, you might find yourself thinking:
- People are only interested in screwing you over
- You can’t trust anyone
- When hard times hit, there’s nothing you can do to make things better.
People with the mindset of a VICTOR, however, accept tough circumstances from a position of strength and confidence.
It always sucks when things don’t go your way, but with the mindset of a victor, you can see your struggles as an opportunity to learn.
You have the confidence that the hard times will pass and you’ll be stronger and wiser for it. You know that there’s always a way out and that as long as you’re LEARNING, it means you feel like a winner.
3. Fixed vs. Growth
Men with a growth mindset are incredibly attractive to women. Why?
Firstly, they’re focused on self-betterment. People with a growth mindset want to learn, achieve, and become the best possible version of themselves.
Because of this, they tend to be more flexible and roll with the punches. People with a growth mindset always ask themselves how they can learn from any given situation.
They’re self aware, and not afraid to admit they can always improve.
Of course, this attitude directly translates into how a person is likely to behave in a relationship. (In other words, are you a stubborn mule, or willing to listen and learn?)
On the flip side are people with a FIXED mindset. These people tend to be stubborn. They approach life from the perspective of “This is me and this is how I’m gonna be. Tough luck”.
All relationships take compromise. When a woman encounters a man with a mindset with fixed traits, she’s likely to think that this is a guy who won’t be focused on bettering himself. She’ll also assume he’s not likely to put any effort in to make the relationship flourish.
4. Grateful vs. Resentful
Are you a grateful man who tends to see the positives in people and situations? Do you value what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have?
People with a grateful mindset enjoy a higher sense of contentment and a better quality of life. (They even tend to live longer.)
In the context of romantic relationships, people with a gratitude mindset notice and APPRECIATE all the good traits in their partner.
Having a gratitude mindset means you’re less likely to take your partner for granted.
This is essential, because women want to be appreciated. Everyone wants to be with someone who values them and makes them feel good about themselves.
On the other hand is the resentment mindset. If you’re resentful, you dwell on negatives, you’re unable to get past the bad, and you continuously fail to focus on the good.
It’s important to identify problems as they come up. But women look for men who identify these problems with the purpose of addressing them and working through them.
When a woman sees that you know how to appreciate the things in your life, and that you tend to focus on the good rather than the bad, I guarantee she’ll be more inclined to stick around.
5. Compassion vs. Selfishness
Shocker for you: women want to be treated well. We want to be with people who hold space for us. We want to feel seen and heard. If she gets the sense that you lack compassion or can’t empathize with different perspectives…
It’ll be an immediate pass.
If you’re coming from a selfish mindset, it means you’re only focusing on yourself and how you feel at any given moment or situation.
It means you don’t have space for another person’s feelings and needs.
We all have times in our lives when we need to be a little self-centred, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Focusing on yourself and figuring out what works for you is a really important part of eventually being able to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Coming from a place of compassion certainly doesn’t mean losing a sense of self or abandoning healthy boundaries.
It’s about being flexible and interested in the needs of your partner, while maintaining your own wellbeing and satisfaction in the relationship.
6. Open vs. Closed
If you’re closed off to the world, you can’t trust anyone, you’re alone in your thoughts, and you’re not willing to be vulnerable or share your thoughts with others. You go through life in a closed-off daze.
Maybe you’ve heard it from a woman: “Why won’t you open up to me? Why do I never know what you’re thinking?”
Women don’t have time for that nonsense.
If you have a closed mindset, you’re afraid of:
- trying new things
- taking risks.
Studies show that people with a closed mindset are less likely to get along with others. In fact, they’re hesitant to explore new activities and tend to be less creative than their open counterparts.
That’s why women look for men with an OPEN mindset.
- are adventurous and unafraid
- welcome new challenges and approach life with a sense of excitement and vigor.
- are imaginative and don’t let the little things get in the way of them experiencing life to the fullest.
- like to keep things fresh and are always up for a new experience.
Approaching life with an open, fearless mindset goes a long way to attracting women and maintaining romantic relationships.
Women also assume that your sense of adventure, open-mindedness and willingness to try new things will be carried on into the bedroom. Yes, please.
7. Confidence vs. Insecurity
This one is huge, and in a way it’s the culmination of all the other mindsets put together.
As a woman who is also a sex and relationship coach, I know I want a confident man.
And so does that cute barista you keep checking out.
I CANNOT stress enough how big of a role confidence plays when it comes to appearing more attractive to women.
Confidence is all about:
- being comfortable with yourself
- trusting yourself
- not being afraid to put yourself out there.
When you shift your mindset into confidence, the world opens up to you! You set an example for others by becoming your most authentic, empowered self… and knowing that you, sir… are the shit.
Confidence is not:
- about being right all the time
- always knowing what to do.
It’s about valuing yourself and knowing that no matter what comes your way, you’ll figure it out.
Insecure guys often struggle with relationships, because in order to create a healthy, fulfilling bond with someone else… you have to have one with yourself.
These people are often second-guessing themselves and their decisions. They don’t know what they want and often engage in co-dependent or sabotaging behaviors in their romantic relationships.
Become Your Most High-Powered, Attractive Self
What if you’re sitting there and thinking to yourself… “I think I might operate from a mindset of scarcity,” Or maybe you’re realizing that you have the tendency to view yourself as a VICTIM… Maybe you’re realizing that a little more confidence could do you some good.
Listen, we’re all human. If you’re someone who could use a little mindset pick-me-up, know that these mindsets are deeply ingrained and the result of many formative experiences over time.
If you’re realizing that you need to shift gears and become your most empowered, authentic self? I highly recommend checking out my Masterclass, High Performance Male. In it, we address effective ways to shift your mentality in order to gain greater satisfaction in your relationships with others… and yourself.