It’s true in the animal kingdom and it’s true among humans: females of any species are more likely to mate with the alpha males.
Why? Simple: women want to be with men who are confident, capable, self-assured, and responsible.
But here’s the thing: humans aren’t lions and tigers.
And what MEN like about the “alpha male” is NOT what WOMEN like about alpha males.
Men tend to think that alphas are aggressive… that they’re the guys who tell everyone what to do.
Trust me, this is not what women are looking for. This is not what she has in mind when she’s thinking about “the alpha male” that she would like to mate with and carry on the species.
So how can you tell what kind of man a woman sees when she looks at you?
Does she see a confident, self-assured man? Or does she see a wet blanket?
I’m a sex coach who works with thousands of men each year on being better partners, being better lovers, and being men women actually want to be with. In this article, I’m busting the most common myths about what an alpha male is. I’m going to teach you how women can tell IMMEDIATELY how alpha you are, and we’re going to talk about what women find attractive in alpha males.
Most importantly, if you don’t identify as an alpha male, I’m going to teach you how to become one. Because unlike bears and lions and tigers, we humans have the power of choice, and you can use your behaviors to become a man that women want to take to bed.
What/who is an alpha?
A lot of men think that an alpha is an aggressive man. They have an image of a boss. A guy that’s controlling and headstrong, maybe even a bully. He’s disinterested in feelings or emotions, he’s totally cool, calm, and collected, he pisses excellence and success, and constantly operates on all cylinders.
He probably wakes up at 5 am meditates, works out, climbs an entire mountain, goes to work, crushes all day, every day, yelling at people and telling them what to do, and then he goes home, slays chicks, and goes to bed just to do it all again the next day.
How exhausting. And completely not what women want — because that’s not what a true alpha male is.
A TRUE alpha male is someone who is:
1. He’s proactive in his own life
He actively builds the life that he wants, that benefits not just him, but is for the benefit of all. An alpha male exists within a community he takes care of.
2. He’s confident, self-assured, and isn’t afraid to take responsibility.
Alpha males are the guys who take responsibility for the wellbeing of themselves and others.
3. He is emotionally intelligent.
He seeks true connection instead of seeking validation — or conformity — from others. He doesn’t seek to take power OVER people, but actually empowers people.
There’s a misconception that alpha males are rare.
But just because there’s one leader in a wolf pack doesn’t mean that not all the guys in the room are alpha males.
Alphas don’t feel the need to constantly compete, they collaborate. And that’s the TRUE feature of the alpha male, is that he’s the leader of a group — he is willing to take responsibility — he defers to the flow of the group unless he needs to step in and redirect and take charge.
The alpha male is not powerful for the sake of being powerful. He does not derive his power from putting other people down or hurting anyone else in the group.
Its not about peackocking and showing everyone that you’re an alpha male — you just naturally are.
Why do women love alpha males?
Because what women absolutely do NOT want is a man that has no vision, no purpose, no values, and no opinions of his own.
Women don’t want men who settle in situations (like jobs or relationships) out of complacency or fear of what else is out there.
They definitely don’t want guys who have given up on their hopes and dreams to conform and do what they’re “supposed to do”.
Women don’t want to date guys who don’t take a stand for their own life and never work toward the life they want and are completely lacking in self-esteem and confidence.
After a while, any good woman will get extremely frustrated with these behaviors.
And a not-so-good woman will only stay with you so she can take advantage of you and walk all over you.
HOW CAN A WOMAN TELL IF YOU’RE AN ALPHA?
Here are my 5 ways that she decides:
#1. Other people defer to you for decision making.
You’re the person people go to if they have a problem because they know you’re going to be able to handle it. You’re mature and responsible… comfortable making big decisions, and confident in your ability to make the right choice.
#2. You have emotional intelligence.
You lead with your heart as much as your head. Genuine connection means more to you than validation. You take responsibility for others and take it upon yourself to make sure others feel safe.
#3. You actively build the life you want.
You’re comfortable leaving situations that don’t work for you. You are PROACTIVE instead of reacting to everything. You have goals and plans, and you execute on these goals and plans.
#4. You are confident.
External validation? Who needs it? You feel free to share your opinion and stand up for what you want. You feel comfortable in your skills and abilities — no matter what comes up.
#5. You’re passionate.
Men who are not alphas don’t really care much about anything enough to rock the boat. They’re not passionate enough about anything to really care much about anything.
What if you’re not an alpha male?
What if you’re reading all these behaviors, and you realize, “you’re definitely not an alpha”.
Don’t panic and don’t beat yourself up.
NO ONE is born an alpha. ANYONE can be an alpha male. Being an alpha male is a choice you make. It’s a daily mindset. It’s a way of being.
How to become an alpha
First, get clear on your behaviors that have to go in order for you to exude alpha. Take stock of behaviors you should nip in the bud, including:
- Deferring too much to other people and not following your gut
- An inability to make decisions
- Not standing up for yourself and what you want
- Easily being peer pressured or going the way of the crowd
Here’s the thing: you have to be aware of these behaviors WHEN THEY HAPPEN.
This requires a huge level of self-awareness, and can sometimes take YEARS.
Be patient with yourself.
Once you recognize these undesirable behaviors, you can start to change.
All about being proactive in creating the life you desire, instead of REACTING to everything else in your life.
If you try for months and months and you STILL keep getting caught in low-status, undesirable behaviors and traits, no matter how hard you try,
Become a High-Value Man That Women Want
The good news is, with a little self-awareness and a little work, anyone can become an alpha male.
If you don’t believe me, I dare you to apply for coaching. Together, we will figure out what is stopping you from unleashing your higher value and status and realizing the alpha that already exists, and letting him out so the women in your life can come to appreciate you in your full greatness.