How Porn is Linked to Sexual Dysfunction (& How to Quit)

You wanna quit. It’s getting in the way of your happiness, your healthy relationships, and even your motivation to go out and get laid. What am I talking about?

Porn!

Quitting porn is something I suggest for ALL the men in my Come When You Want Masterclass AND for all my 1:1 private clients. If you’re trying to last longer in bed or cure early onset erectile dysfunction — for your healthy young men who are starting to get ED — or if you have delayed ejaculation and you’re not able to finish or orgasm with your partner — under ALL THREE of these common problems — quitting porn is a quick way to see quick benefits. 

Benefits of Quitting Porn

Why even quit? It’s free, it’s easy to access, it’s fun, it’s quick to get off, there’s endless stuff out there… why even quit? 

There are all kinds of reasons to quit porn. 

  1. Last longer in bed 
  2. Stay harder
  3. The ability to finish

Those are three really important things!

These are the three major concerns that men ask me about in my inbox and one-on-one coaching and comments on my YouTube videos. 

Porn is one of the leading contributors to premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction in healthy men. 

Not only that, but it messes with your motivation to go get laid! It can keep you single and complacent. AND it can leave you in a circle of shame where you feel depressed about your usage and you feel like you have to hide this part of your life. 

You might even find yourself craving more and more novelty, leading you to look at things that previously made you feel icky and uncomfortable and that are taboo and maybe even illegal. 

And you don’t want to be the guy who’s addicted to internet porn.  I totally get that. 

I tell all my one-on-one clients and all the men in my Come When You Want/ Last Longer Masterclass top stop using porn, at least for as long as they are in my class, because they need to reset their sexual relationship with themselves and with real flesh and blood women (ow ow!) in order to develop the sexual functioning that they want. 

So today I, Caitlin V, sex and relationship coach, am here to tell you how to quit porn with as little pain as possible! 

YOU — no matter who you are or where or what your situation is — CAN quit porn and I’m going to tell you exactly how. 

If you feel shame, are worried about your porn use, or find yourself looking at increasingly graphic material, you might have a problem with internet porn… and you should read to the end of this blog to find out. 

A Common Problem: Our Brains On Porn

First of all, you should know that you’re not alone. Up to one-third of men between the ages of 18 and 30 worry that they’re addicted to porn. 

Here’s the truth: our brains are wired to seek sex. That’s a good thing! It’s how our ancestors procreated and made more of us. That’s pretty cool. But we’re using OLD hardware (or brains) to operate new software. Our brains haven’t changed a whole lot since the dawn of human time, but what’s available to it has, such as internet porn. 

Our brains are not wired to have constant access to sexual material. Think about your ancestor 15 generations ago. If that guy saw a boob across a lake while a girl was bathing, that was the closest thing he got to porn. Now, with our cellphones and laptops, we can get to porn in two clicks. You don’t need to leave the house, you don’t need to leave the room. We have CONSTANT and unbridled access to porn at all times. You can watch hardcore pornography at any time of day, any day of the week, from anywhere that you are. 

And your brain is just not wired to operate that way. It hasn’t caught up to what’s available to it.  This is what leads to Pornography Addiction.

Sexual release is deeply important to our survival as a species, and it’s linked to our dopamine system: the system of motivation and reward. When you habitually use internet porn, your dopamine system becomes wired to reward you and to seek more. Your body thinks its doing what its supposed to be doing — having sex and procreating! But you and I both know that pornography does not lead to babies. 

9 Keys to Quitting Internet Porn 

1. Be Prepared to Learn About Yourself. 

You’re going to need to learn about your triggers. What causes you to watch porn? What happens right before you get the craving for porn? Is it that it’s late at night? That you’re home alone? That you had a stressful day? Is it that you bring your laptop into bed with you when you go to bed at night? Is it that you see a sexy image on the internet? Is it just every time you get horny? You’re going to need to recognize your triggers, which is going to require self awareness. 

Watch yourself, observe yourself, and learn about yourself! 
You might have a lightbulb moment like “Aha! Every time I get super stressed about something in my life, I get a craving to go watch porn to alleviate some of that stress.” Cool! Self knowledge without self judgment. It’s just useful information.

2. Expect and plan for withdrawal. 

The first two weeks are the hardest. You might find yourself psychologically and physically uncomfortable. I’m talkin’ headaches, shakes, sweats, racing thoughts, fantasizing, trouble focusing, and more. It’s gonna be rough. Depending on how long you’ve been using porn and how often you watch porn and what your relationship IS to porn … it might be harder for you than for others. But that’s okay! Make a plan for when you’re feeling those things. Go do something that’s going to perk you up and make you feel good. 

Spend time with friends. Go be active. Break a sweat at the gym, go play some sports, join a book club, play video games, pick up a guitar… whatever it is you need to do to get through the first couple weeks is going to help you get past that point. 

Something you need to know: it will stop. All the pain and discomfort… the racing thoughts and fantasies, the gnawing feeling and cravings… won’t last forever. They will stop! Nothing lasts forever, including withdrawal and discomfort. 

3. Make it hard to access porn. 

There are plenty of great apps you can download that don’t allow you to access porn websites. You can even modify the settings of your router. 

All you have to do is download one of these apps and set the password to be a string of letters and numbers that you can’t memorize. Write it down on paper, and put it somewhere that’s hard to get to. I’m talkin’ two ladders, a fishing rod, a piece of gum, and elbow grease, and that’s what it takes to get to this password. Make it difficult so you think “is it really worth it for me to go through ALL of this trouble just to look at titties?

4. Get yourself an accountability partner. 

This is one of the best tools to use when you’re trying to change a behavior. Tell someone your plan, and promise to tell them when you mess up. OR have them check in on you. 

OR offer some sort of incentive. Write a check to a cause you absolutely do not like. If you hate zebras, write a check to the Save the Zebras foundation and put it over your computer. Promise yourself that if you jerk off to porn, you’re going to mail a check to those awful zebra people. 

Better yet, give that check to a friend and give them instructions to check on you every single week, have integrity, tell them when you messed up, and they’ll mail the check for you. 

Why is having an accountability partner so important? There’s so much shame associated with being addicted to porn that having someone hold you accountable can alleviate some of the shame, and can feel freeing. 

And as I mentioned earlier, up to a THIRD of guys are worried that they might be addicted to porn, so if you choose a guy who also wants to quit porn, you can hold each other accountable.

5. Be patient with yourself.

Depending on how long you’ve been using porn, you might take a while — months, even — to totally reset your experience of being a sexual person without porn. Beating yourself up or experiencing a lot of shame or stigma about your porn use isn’t helping. Shame is not going to help the process go any faster, and will just make you feel worse. 

So if you’re like a lot of men and constantly rag on yourself for not being good enough, for not working hard enough, not trying hard enough, not getting the results right away….

 CHILL. 

There’s nothing wrong with you. You had a porn habit. You’re trying to quit something that’s really addictive. Your brain was hardwired that way… be gentle. Give yourself a while for your new normal to be established. 

6. Remember your why. 

Remember why you wanted to quit watching porn to begin with. Is it because you find yourself getting complacent and wanted to go out and get a girlfriend? Is it because you wanted to spend more time on your hobbies or projects? Is it because you wanted to last longer in bed, because you want to restore your sexual relationship with your wife, to have better erections, to be able to ejaculate every time you have sex with your partner? 

Write it down. Keep it front and center so that when you have those cravings, you can remind yourself of the big picture and remember that there’s a bigger reason you’re doing this, and that the frustration won’t last.

7. Plan to quit forever. 

This might feel like a low blow. You may tell yourself “I’m going to quit porn just for now and then I’m going to go back to it.” If you really want to make a change — especially if you have erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation — you must commit to quitting porn forever, just like if you quit cigarettes. 

You can’t stop smoking cigarettes and then have a secret plan to go back to smoking cigarettes! I’m not saying you can’t have another cigarette again until the day that you die, but if you think that you’re going to stop for a short while and then go back, you’re not really quitting! 

Instead, you’re making a deal with yourself and lying about quitting.

8. Get back on the wagon if you fall off! 

Just like me and cigarettes, there were triggers that had me reaching for the cigarettes. If I got in my car while stressed out, I’d reach for the cigs. That was ALWAYS a signal to my brain to light up a cigarette. Sometimes I would cave, I would pay the $10-15 bucks for a pack, and I would light up.

Just because you cave in ONE TIME doesn’t mean you have to cave the next night, and the next night, and the next night after that. It doesn’t mean it’s all over and you might as well give up and watch porn forever. That’s not how quitting anything works! Don’t quit on quitting!

This brings me to the MOST IMPORTANT TIP!

9. Keep masturbating!

No where in here did I say you had to stop masturbating. 

For the majority of men that I work with, the goal is not for them to quit masturbating. That’s a recipe for feeling frustrated, for feeling sexual tension building up in your body, and is not going to produce the kind of results we’re looking for when we’re trying to cure premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or to help you reach orgasm.

My goal is for you to keep masturbating, but in a way that helps improve whatever you’re trying to improve. Masturbation can be a tool!

At first though, you might find that without porn, it’s hard for you to get aroused or stay aroused or reach ejaculation. That is okay! Continue to masturbate in a way that assists your personal goals.

Talk it Out and See Results

Find a sex therapist and talk to someone that can help you figure out what porn is really doing for you on a deeper level. Don’t expect to be perfect at this. Just do your best!

If you’re looking to boost sexual performance, improve your relationships, and end performance anxiety in bed, go check out my Come When You Want Masterclass. This Masterclass is designed to help men last longer in bed. I built this course after years of working one-on-one with men and having a 98% success rate of ending premature ejaculation within 90 days.

If you’re looking for a more personal, one-on-one approach, apply to work with me today. Come talk to me. We can work together to boost your sexual performance, help you quit porn, and help you last longer in bed for a better sex life.