I’ve worked with clients who feel guilt over masturbating. They ask me, “Do I masturbate too much?”
Believe it or not, masturbation can help you have a better sex life. Just like Goldilocks, there is a perfect amount of masturbation for you, and today you and I are going to figure it out. Here’s the low-down.
A Natural Thing that Humans Do
The most important thing before we get started: you need to know that masturbation is normal, natural, and healthy.
Masturbation is part of what human beings have done ever since we learned to walk upright and had hand-access to our genitals! For millennia, humans have been masturbating (or as I like to call it, “self-pleasuring” OR having “solo-sex”).
I happen to be a huge fan of masturbation just for myself, and I’m PROUD of my masturbation habits! I want you to be proud of your masturbation habits too. This is a shame-free zone, where I want you to start feeling good about making YOURSELF feel good. Capeesh?
Do You Believe the Masturbation Myths?
Is masturbation stressing you out in any way? Do you believe the myths about masturbation like “You’re going to grow hairy palms” or “It’s going to ruin your kidneys”?
Seriously, in doing research, I came across multiple people who claimed to be “researchers” for “Stanford” writing about how daily masturbation is bad for your kidneys!
Unless you masturbate by repeatedly punching yourself in the kidneys, don’t fall for the myths. Just don’t. They’re bonkers.
Masturbation is perfectly healthy. It doesn’t make you fat, it doesn’t make you skinny, it doesn’t make you lazy or tired or lethargic… in moderation, it doesn’t make you anything except more relaxed, less tense, and maybe a little sleepier.
And who doesn’t want to feel more relaxed and less tense? Hmm?
We do a lot of things all the time that have no benefit, like smoking cigarettes, watching TV, and drinking soda. Why are we so comfortable doing these things, but we flee like Puritans as soon as someone mentions masturbation? Honestly, we should spend less time drinking Sprite and watching Netflix and more time jerkin’ off. It’s good for you. Let me count the ways.
How Masturbation is Good for You
Masturbation, when done right, can be both a useful tool toward a better sex life and a boon to your health. In case feeling amazing after masturbating isn’t enough, here are all the reasons why masturbating is good for our health:
- It releases sexual tension.
Walking around with sexual tension can be annoying. If you can’t stop thinking about sex, it might end up too distracting for you to enjoy going about your day.
- Masturbation helps you sleep.
Masturbation is a stellar sleeping pill. It releases endorphins, lowers blood pressure, and causes relaxation. So if you find it hard to get to sleep at night, all you have to do is wank off and slip into sweet, sweet sleep.
- Masturbation can boost your immune system and fight off diseases.
Yes, really! Masturbation can briefly spike cortisol levels, which can help regulate immune function. Pop your vitamins and get busy.
- Masturbation boosts mood.
Masturbation releases endorphins, which give you a boost of “happy” hormones that make you feel relaxed and happy. Thanks to that shot of dopamine, your body can even decrease the amount of pain felt in the body.
- Masturbation relieves stress.
Think of it as a mini meditation sesh. When you’re masturbating, you’re focusing on one thing: how your body feels. This can help you relax, give you a sense of pleasure, and contribute to our over-all sense of wellbeing.
There are so many reasons to masturbate.
And if you’re looking to last longer in bed, masturbation is the best way to achieve more duration between arousal and ejaculation. Practice during solo sex, and then bring what you’ve practiced in masturbation to partnered sex! In that way, masturbation is a double-win because it feels good when you do it yourself, and it helps you last longer with a partner – so you can hold out to satisfy your woman in bed.
What’s a “Normal” Amount to Masturbate?
Many of you want to know if you’re “normal”. My clients ask, “Do I masturbate too much?”, “How often should I masturbate?”
The standard of “normal” is not easy to measure. And it’s certainly one that most of us do not live up to. In fact, the only “normal” about sex is that all of us are “abnormal”. When it comes to sex, go your own way! Be you, baby!
I want you to get over the idea that you’re either going to be normal or abnormal. Say it with me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL!
Some people masturbate more than once a day. Some masturbate more than once a week, and others don’t masturbate at all! It’s all fine. As long as it fits YOU and your preferences and goals.
There is not one frequency for masturbation that’s best for everyone.
When I think about how often someone should masturbate, I liken it to the gym. If you go too often, you might hurt yourself. But if you hit up the gym when it feels right for you, you’ll start seeing positive gains and differences in your performance. It’s all about finding that happy medium.
Let’s say you’re a 19-year-old male college student. You’re super horny and you want to have sex more often than sex is available to you. You might want to masturbate once or twice a day to decrease the sexual tension and so you can go about your life without being bombarded with sexual images all the time.
On the other side of the spectrum, let’s say you’re a 45-year-old man and you suffer from premature ejaculation and you want to cure that shit! You might want to masturbate about three times a week for at least 15 minutes. You might even want to spend one of those times masturbating without even reaching ejaculation UNLESS you’re planning on having partnered sex soon thereafter.
Compulsive Masturbation: Not So Healthy
There’s one important exception. Compulsive masturbation is when you masturbate for reasons that might not be so healthy.
If you’re masturbating because you’re bored – for multiple hours per day – if you feel like you can’t stop, if it’s getting in the way of things you want to do with your life, like hanging out with friends, going to your job, being with your family, than maybe you need to step back and change up some habits.
If you feel like you have a problem, I challenge you to go perform some Google research on compulsory masturbation and plan to decrease the amount of time that you’re masturbating. This way, you can return masturbation to its rightful place as a way to express yourself sexually and not something that causes you to avoid your life.
One of my favorite words is “procrasturbate”, which is a combination of “procrastinate” and “masturbate”. I love it. I am also sometimes an active participant of “procrasturbation” sometimes. But if you find yourself doing that ALL THE TIME, to just numb out and avoid the realities of life, then it’s time to get back on an even keel.
Track Your Progress, Get the Most out of Masturbation
One thing I highly recommend is to track your progress. Even if you’re not worried about masturbating too often but have some other goal, track your progress! Get a spreadsheet and write the date you masturbated, the time, and the variables. Variables could include: had a full stomach, watched porn, didn’t watch porn, made out with girlfriend earlier in the day, had sex with partner earlier in the day – whatever variables might be important to you. Whatever it is, put some variables in there and then rate if it was pleasurable or if it wasn’t.
The only way to know if you’re getting the most out of something – and benefiting from something – is to keep track.
I used to be a professional researcher. That’s right, sexual health researcher right here! I freaking love data, okay? I have not met a spreadsheet that I did not love. Collecting data on your masturbation habits is a great idea. To you, it might sound silly at first, but trust me – it allows you to track your progress and see how often you’re actually masturbating. You might think that you’re masturbating all the time, but it turns out you only wank when you’re avoiding homework. That’s useful data, my friends. I highly recommend you start a spreadsheet right now so you can track your data.
A No-Shame Zone
One last thought before we part: please do not feel shame about masturbating. I know it’s easy for me to say and harder for you to do if you are feeling shame about it. But trust me, there’s nothing shameful about it! It’s normal! It’s regular! It’s healthy! It’s something your body is designed to do. You deserve to feel good, and guess what – masturbation feels good.
Never feel ashamed for working out your sexual tension and feeling the pleasure your body is capable of experiencing. I mean, it’s a MIRACLE! Name one thing you can do with your body FOR FREE that feels this good. Look, I love stretching, I love yoga, but I’ll take masturbating over yoga any day, and you can tell yoga I said it!
I wish you very pleasurable self-pleasuring sessions. And if there’s anything you want to talk to a professional sex coach about, I’m here. I can help you last longer in bed, overcome premature ejaculation, and help you have a better sex life. It just takes a couple of minutes to fill out the coaching application on my website to book a free discovery call. Happy masturbating!
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