If you’re the kind of guy who has given up on himself entirely…
Who thinks women are just looking for an ATM machine…
Or that a dog is better company than a girlfriend… no judgment! But this blog article is not for you.
Stay tuned, I’ll get you next week, but THIS blog is for the guys out there who know that they have something amazing to bring a potential match. There’s something bigger and better out of life that they desire. They know there’s something more positive out there for themselves than what they’ve had in the past and what they have now.
And they’re not ready to give up on themselves. In fact, what they’re ready for is to share their bedrooms (and maybe even their lives) with a compatible partner.
If that describes you, I’m going to show you exactly how to get to that first date.
My name is Caitlin V, and I am a sex coach for men. Many of my clients come to me after a divorce, a breakup from a long-term partner, or after they’ve recently lost a spouse. A lot of them come to me confused and frustrated about how things have changed since the last time they were on the dating market.
Online dating, ghosting, sexually assertive women?!! It is a new world out there, folks! Especially if you have been out of dating for a long time.
Maybe now you’re coming back into the online dating experience with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or performance anxiety.
In this blog article, we’ll cover all of that, including picking potential partners, having sex with new partners, and how to get back into the dating game if you’ve been out for a while.
Let’s start with a topic that’s on everyone’s mind.
Table of Contents
How to Avoid Common Online Dating Mistakes
Love it or hate it, online dating is so hot right now!
I’m going to give you a quick rundown on the top mistakes I see men making on online dating sites and how you can avoid them.
Mistake #1: You don’t spend enough time making your profile stand out.
If you want to work the algorithm and snag the right person, you have to put the work in on your profile. You need to have decent profile pictures taken by a professional (or at least a friend who knows what they’re doing and can work a camera.)
Also, put some thought into the text on your profile. It doesn’t matter EXACTLY what you say. What matters is that you offer online daters some insight into your personality.
Be sure to include something for her to comment on and remember you by when she’s messaging with you.
Mistake #2: You’re not sure how to message the ladies.
This seems to be a sticking point for so many online daters! There’s a bit of art and science to it, but I recommend that you strike a balance between template messages that you can copy and paste, and taking a different approach for each woman.
Don’t spend too much time on the custom messages. Go with a line or two that references a specific picture or line in her profile.
And remember – you have to be messaging often. Online dating is a number’s game. As a man, the odds are statistically stacked against you.
But instead of using that as a reason why you shouldn’t do it, take that as a sign that you have to create a strategy in order to be successful.
Mistake #3: You stick with one website or app.
I’m not going to tell you exactly which website to sign up for because you’re a grown ass man and you can meet single people with trial and error.
What’s most important is to pick a site that works for you – that matches your needs, your location, and your interests.
Different dating sites attract different groups of people all over the world. For example, Plenty Of Fish could be crap in one town, but the other town over is where all the fish are biting!!
The point is, in order to find the site that works best for you, you have to take a little bit of time trialing each of them out and determining which one of them has the kind of woman you’re looking for. Try them all: Bumble, Match.com, EHarmony, Tinder…
Most importantly, don’t put all of your eggs into one dating site or dating app. There are plenty of other places to meet single women, both online and offline.
I still think that asking for someone who you know to introduce you to introduce you to interested singles is still the best way to meet someone.
A note about catfishing and other scams…
These are not only real, but they’re common. And older men are the primary targets. Instead of getting upset by that, let’s work with it. You can expect it. Just as you expect the Prince of Nigeria to show up in your online dating profile inbox from time to time asking for your bank account number.
Instead of getting upset about it, use it to your advantage. Expect that it’s going to happen.
One way to avoid it is by insisting that your dates hop on a phone call or video call as soon as possible. Take things offline as quickly as you can instead of spending a lot of time messaging, getting attached, becoming attracted, only to find out that it was a scam all along.
An of course, don’t send money to anyone you don’t want to send money to. Problem solved.
Navigating Sex with A New Partner
Women’s attitudes have changed. Your body has changed. Let’s talk about the possible scenarios you’re likely to encounter once you get back out into the dating world.
How to Deal With Performance Anxiety
You might be a little rusty! You might be straight up nervous about having sex with a new partner after years of having sex with the same partner OR years of not having sex at all.
The most important thing for you to know is that this is normal and can be dealt with relatively easily.
Here’s my three-step guide for dealing with performance anxiety in the moment:
- Become aware that this is what you’re experiencing.
- Acknowledge it by saying it out loud. “I’m feeling really nervous right now! I’m experiencing a lot of pressure to perform.”
- Breathe deeply, possibly with your hands on your heart and belly, for 3-5 minutes.
It’s super simple and incredibly effective at helping you move through performance anxiety in real time.
It’s important to remember that this is normal and you don’t have to be ashamed. Sometimes men feel pressure to perform and feel like they have to rush into a sexual encounter before they’re even ready. They have this idea that they’re MEN, and they need to be sexually available, show up, and be sexually desirous and they have to please this woman.
And soon, they feel boxed-in to this high-pressure scenario they can’t get out of.
Remember, gentlemen: you can put yourself back into the driver’s seat and take control of the situation. Be gentle with yourself. She’ll appreciate it too, because she’ll be able to feel that you respect YOURSELF sexually, and that you’re also going to respect her.
How to Deal With Erectile Dysfunction
If you’re like MANY men, you’re worried that your manhood is not going to be as strong or firm as it was before.
Quick test: if you’re able to get erect during the morning or if you’re able to do the “five finger shuffle” (wink wink) than you should be good to go in the presence of a lady.
If you find that is NOT the case – before you go reaching for those little blue pills – try working through your performance anxiety first.
Or get your testosterone tested with this LINK and improve your cardiac health like working out and eating better – BEFORE you go to medicine.
These are all natural ways to increase your erection strength and your libido. These should be your go-to’s before you turn to medication. (Because let’s face it, pills are seductive, but they’re inconvenient and expensive at best.)
How to Deal With Premature Ejaculation
A lifetime of bad habits (which tends to happen in long-term relationships that are not very sexually satisfying) can lead to premature ejaculation, which means you get used to ejaculating too early – before you or your partner are ready for you to bust off.
Perhaps you’ve always suffered from a lack of stamina, but this is the first time you’re really ready to do something about it.
A lot of men expect that these problems go away with age and are then surprised to learn that they don’t just disappear on their own.
Regardless of the cause of your premature ejaculation, lasting longer in bed is entirely possible. Check out my Lasting Longer in Bed Masterclass, Called “Come When You Want”, which provides a step-by-step method that is 98% effective at ending premature ejaculation for good.
Gentlemen, you do not have to suffer.
Don’t Freak Her Out By Being Too “Thirsty”.
The desire for sex is real. We have all of us been there at one point or another. And it is PERFECTLY okay to be sex-starved.
But what is not okay is to show up to a date with a brand new partner, STARVING for HER.
She will be able to feel that. It will make her uncomfortable. This is 100% avoidable.
You have to learn how to take care of your own needs first before turning to a new partner. Now, you’re going to say “Caitlin, I have been taking care of my own needs for a LONG time now.”
And you’re totally right.
But not in the way that I’m going to recommend that you do.
I want you to make love to yourself.
I want you to treat yourself the way a great lover would treat you. With kindness, care, attention. Time! Giving yourself all the things you’re starved for, so that when you show up to that date, you are fed and come through as someone who takes care of himself and who can take care of HER sexually.
Because when a man shows up to a date and he is THIRSTY, and a woman can sense that thirst, it doesn’t make women feel very safe in your presence. This is exactly what women complain about. This is what makes them feel unsafe and uncomfortable in the dating world.
Say “No” to Self-Sabotage
Many of us get into bad habits with our long-term sexual partners. These habits might have you doubting yourself, your sexual abilities, your attractiveness… many men allow these limiting beliefs to get the best of them and to get in the way of them ever making love to a woman again!
Know that you are not going to be perfect out of the gate. You ARE worthy of sex, happiness, and satisfaction.
Too many men sabotage themselves by telling themselves, “It’s too late. I’m too old. I’m too fat. I don’t have the money. I don’t have the right car. I don’t have the right house.” Etc etc.
Listen. The only thing in your way is YOU! You can ABSOLUTELY reclaim your sexual power and satisfaction.
If you want help with that, apply to work with me one-on-one. I help men like you redeem their confidence and regain sexual satisfaction.
One last piece of advice
Lots of you will want me to tell you exactly what to paste into the E-Harmony messages. You’ll want to know exactly which site to go to.
But gentlemen… I’m telling you… there are no rules.
The only rules are the ones that you make.
Great risk leads to great reward… and you might get hurt and rejected. You have never been safe in the dating field and you will never be safe from these things! This is DATING we’re talking about!
Putting yourself out there is the only way to find that next love – the next long-term relationship, or the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.