Women, about 90% of us masturbate.
But I recently came across a study that said around 60% of us wonder if we’re doing it “right”. Which means, many of us are secretly wondering, “Am I normal?”
Since most women don’t talk to ANYONE about their own masturbation habits, most of us have no idea how other women wank off. In fact, only 25% of women talk to their friends about their masturbation habits.
For too many women, this is a “secret that goes to my GRAVE” type thing.
But little do the ladies know …
The vast majority of their friends also self-pleasure… and they, too, deal with feelings of shame and self-consciousness.
They’re unsure: “Is it weird that I watch gay porn as a straight woman?”
“Do I orgasm the right way?”
“Is it weird that I only masturbate using a zucchini on a full moon on the third Tuesday of the month while listening to Kenny G albums from the nineties?”
It’s time to unveil some major secrets. Get them out of the dark. Banish shame for good.
Because so many of us do it… and it’s time to clear some things up so the next time we reach for the vibrator, we know we’re not alone. (Not in a creepy way. In an emotionally-supported, no-shame way.)
The way we talk about women’s sexuality is changing
While our culture is becoming more open about the fact that yes, believe it or not, women DO enjoy sex (gasp!) we still feel sheepish when it comes to talking about female masturbation.
And that’s unfortunate because you know what?
Shame, questioning, confusion … all live in the dark.
When we shine light on a subject, we make it shame-free. We tend to have a better relationship with that subject when we can talk about it.
You may have been masturabting your whole life, wondering if you were doing it right, or if you were normal.
We live in a world of myths about women’s masturbation…. Myths like “most women use penetration when they masturbate” or “vibrators are addictive” or “the more you masturbate, the less likely you’ll reach orgasm with your partner!”
So let’s go ahead and dive into what’s true about female masturbation.
Basic Truths About Female Masturbation
Masturbation comes with a host of benefits:
- It’s physically and mentally healthy
- It reduces stress
- It helps us sleep
- It helps us live in the present moment
- It can help us feel more grounded in our bodies
- It can improve partnered sex
In fact, I attribute my own sexual satisfaction with partners to the fact that I figured out how to masturbate early in life, and I got really good at pleasuring my own body.
Many years later, when it became time for me to have sex with a partner, I was able to tell him or her how I wanted by body to be touched. I was able to move and articulate my physicality in a way that brought me the most pleasure, optimized my satisfaction, and made sex fun.
There is no right or wrong way to self-pleasure.
None of us were taught how to masturbate “correctly”, so how can we know if we’re doing it “right” ?
The most important thing for you to know: there is no right way.
What’s right for you might not be right for another woman.
What’s right for you today may not be what’s right for you tomorrow.
Being a sex coach, I have access to all kinds of amazing sex toys, literature, fantasy. I think about this stuff all the time and each time I self-pleasure, I do it differently, which brings me a lot of joy.
How Many Women Orgasm Every Time They Masturbate?
Not every person masturbates to orgasm every time.
Some people, women, vulva-havers… only masturbate all the way to orgasm something like 65 to 70% of the time.
So, don’t fret it. Orgasm may or may not come, and may or may not be part of your self-love style.
So whether or not you even have an orgasm may be a part of your masturbation style. You may get yourself close to or close to the edge, or again, you may just be in it for the pleasure and orgasm could happen, it could not, but it’s not necessarily the goal.
How Long Does It Take Women to Masturbate?
Ideally, you’d leave 45 minutes to an hour… and you would spend that time dropping into self pleasure and indulging in that time.
But sometimes you only have five minutes!
Again, there’s no right or wrong way, but it’s a good idea to maximize the pleasure you experience on a regular basis.
So if you typically spend five minutes, try spending 20 or 30.
And if you usually spend 20 or 30, maybe try 60 minutes or maybe try only five minutes! See what feels best for you!
Varying the duration can be really, really fun and can change the way you drop into your body and to your pleasure.
How Often Should You Masturbate?
Every day? Two times a day? Once per week? Once a month?
Again, there’s no right or wrong answer.
There are some weeks I don’t masturbate at all. And there are some days where I crank out two or three individual self-pleasure sessions because that’s what that day calls for.
What Time of Day do Women Self-Pleasure?
Are you a morning gal, evening, late night owl? Do you masturbate right before bed, in the morning, or in the middle of the day?
I highly recommend playing with this one.
Do Most Women Use a Sex Toy?
This could mean a lot of things: a vibrator, a dildo, nipple clamps, a toy that stays inside of you the whole time…
Using tools and toys can radically change the sensation.
But of course, there’s nothing wrong with just using your hands. Having the ability to get yourself off with just your hands is phenomenal because you can use them anywhere!
In Which Body Position Do Most Women Masturbate?
According to all kinds of studies, body positions during female self-pleasure vary greatly.
They lay on their stomachs, they lay on their backs, they sit straight up, they lay on their sides, they hump things, they stand, they put one leg in the air.
I recommend trying all of the above.
I usually self-pleasure laying on my back, and so sometimes I switch it up by standing up, by literally moving, by dancing and moving around, by kneeling or by laying on my stomach just so that I make sure my body’s not conditioned just to be able to get off in one way, but has access to reaching orgasm or having pleasure in all kinds of different positions.
Where In The House Should You Masturbate?
If you’re a shower person, you can use the pressure of the water from the shower head to pleasure yourself.
Or, you can spread out on the bed and use a vibrator.
Or, you can masturbate in your computer chair, or on the couch!
Wherever you usually self-pleasure, I highly suggest you change it up.
So, the next time no one is home (or if you live by yourself), try masturbating in a different room next time. Try the dining room table or the bathroom floor!
There can be a lot of fun and playfulness in selecting various ways to engage sexually with yourself.
Not to mention — it can be SUPER empowering to know you can just as easily orgasm on the dining room table with yourself — especially if you have a fantasy of a strong, rugged lover taking you and having his way with you on the kitchen counter or table. ;)
Where On Your Body (Other than the obvious) Do Women Touch When They Masturbate?
Where do you stimulate?
Do you touch your whole body, just your erogenous zones? Do you only touch where you’re attempting to create an orgasm (your vulva, or your clitoris?)
Surprisingly, if you were only to study how women masturbate based on porn, you would think all women masturbate with insertion and penetration. This is not usually the case.
To Penetrate or Not to Penetrate?
Only about 20% of women masturbate with penetration and only about 10% do it on a regular consistent basis. Which means that the majority of women who masturbate are focusing on their vulvas, their clitoris, or the entrance to their vagina, their thighs, maybe even their breasts and the rest of their body.
So 80% of women don’t tend to use penetration when they masturbate.
Men reading this, take note. (When left to their own devices, women don’t focus on penetration as the key source to their pleasure.)
Should You Use Lubricant During Masturbation?
I have favorite lubricants. I love Royal’s water-based lubricant, Uberlube’s silicon-based lubricant, and a company called Foria. Check them all out. All are different and wonderful for their various reasons and I highly recommend that if you’re not currently using lube when you masturbate that you give it a try. It can feel extra luxurious and super loving and generous to yourself.
What Do Most Women Fantasize About When They Self-Pleasure?
Do you fantasize? There are people who masturbate solely to fantasy without any physical touch at all. And that fantasy could exist strictly in your head. It might be living out scenarios that you really want to do, but you haven’t yet. It might be living out previous sexual scenarios that were super hot and juicy. It could be some combination of both. It could be that you fantasize through receiving external stimulation like porn.
Women are increasingly making up a higher and higher percentage of the people who are watching internet porn. And I find this really interesting.
In fact, many women prefer to watch lesbian porn or gay porn despite being heterosexual themselves, because that is the kind of graphic visual stimulus that works best for them.
Bonus Tip: Break Out the Mirror
Have you ever taken out a mirror and watched yourself, seen your body, particularly your vulva as you masturbate, watched it go through all the color and size changes?
It’s like a flower that blooms as it gets more and more turned on! Highly recommend.
Watch Other Women Masturbate to Learn For Yourself!
Yes, you absolutely can watch other women masturbate!
There’s an amazing website called OMGyes. They provide an amazing, amazing service. OMGyes.com is a video repository of women’s pleasure and how women self-pleasure. So you can study how other women do it.
Let’s take female masturbation out of the closet, out of the dark, let’s return it to its rightful place in our world.
Self pleasure is amazing. Your ability to access your body’s pleasure is exceptional and it is your birthright.
There’s no wrong way to masturbate.
There’s a lot of different variables when it comes to female masturbation and I highly recommend that you play with at least one or two of the variables that I listed here to see if you can optimize your self pleasure.
You rock. Go give yourself all the pleasure in the world.