There’s one sure-fire way to ensure that you both end intercourse in a glow of sensation.
It’s how she says “damn that was amazing!” It’s how you. release that feel-good oxytocin. It’s something we’ve all aimed for. It’s something we’ve all tried to achieve in the bedroom whether through mutual masturbation or clitoral stimulation.
What could I be talking about?
The simultaneous orgasm! Climaxing at the same time! Coming together! Getting your rocks off in unison!
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What is a Simultaneous Orgasm?
A simultaneous orgasm is when two people reach orgasm at the same time. But it’s so much more than that.
In our culture, the simultaneous orgasm is the pinnacle – the APEX – of sexual activity between a couple.
How do I know that? Because it’s featured in a lot of movies, porn videos, and sex scenes. It’s everywhere!
It’s also on the minds of my clients and audience members. So many of you have asked me about how to achieve simultaneous orgasms. This is something you want to achieve, and a sexual experience that you KNOW your partner will love.
My one-on-one coaching clients have asked me again and again, “How do I get my woman and I to reach climax together? How can we make sure the female orgasm happens at the same time I ejaculate?”
The Pressure is On the Big O… but it shouldn’t be.
First of all, I want to address the fact that there is SO MUCH pressure around climax. There’s pressure to have orgasms, to cause your partner’s orgasms, to have the right KIND of orgasm through vaginal intercourse, to have vaginal orgasms, to have orgasms here, there, everywhere, and to have sexual climax not too early and not too late.
It’s a lot.
I don’t want to add any more pressure to the already highly-pressurized orgasm by saying that climax between a couple have to happen at the same time.
Orgasms are great. They can be absolutely earth-shattering. But if I’m honest, some of the BEST sexual pleasure I’ve ever had in my life did NOT happen when my sexual partner was ejaculating at the same time.
Most of the time, when you have an amazing orgasm, your partner focuses on your pleasure instead of focusing on bringing themselves to orgasm at the same time. This is totally okay, and makes for great sex!
You don’t have to ejaculate at the same time she’s coming. With that said, let’s dive into why people DO want simultaneous orgasms.
Why Should You care About Simultaneous Orgasms?
The core behind simultaneous orgasms is about arousal.
You might be aroused because SHE is aroused, and HER arousal brings you to orgasm. That’s what the simultaneous orgasm is all about.
Sex is such a solo adventure. Even when you’re having sex with someone else, you get lost in your own mind, especially at the point of orgasm. When you’re having reaching climax it’s almost as if you’re falling back into yourself.
The simultaneous orgasm is a nice way to remember that you’re still there with your partner, sharing in a delicious experience together – even when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, toes are curling, and you’re screaming at the top of your lungs.
5 Things You Need to Know Before Achieving Simultaneous Orgasms
It is the responsibility of both partners to build up to their own orgasms separately through sexual stimulation. The only way is by creating your own orgasm so you both can “explode” together.
Here are some simple steps to make that happen.
Both partners need to know how to bring themselves to orgasm.
If you’ve never had an orgasm before, trying to achieve a simultaneous orgasm is like trying to walk before you run.
If you’ve never driven a car, why would you try driving on the Autobahn? Step number one: ladies, discover the female orgasm. Men, explore the path to ejaculate. Both partners need to be responsible for their own arousal during intercourse.
You need to be able to communicate where you are in the sexual encounter between arousal and busting off.
I tend to like using a 10-point scale where 1 is “I’m not aroused at all” and 10 is “I’m coming! AHHH!!”
You need to be able to report for yourself – I’m at a seven, I’m at an eight, I’m at a nine and about to burst!”
This way, you and your partner have a shared language (aka communication) about where you are and what you need to plan stimulation accordingly.
Have control over your orgasms.
You don’t need to have perfect orgasmic mastery, but you DO need to have enough body awareness and control in order to gauge when you’re going to shoot semen, so to speak. This way, you can speed up or slow down depending on how close your partner is to climax.
Adjust according to your sexual response!
This way, you guys can have so much fun climbing that 10-scale ladder together all the way to the delicious top.
For example, let’s say there’s a man and a woman, and the woman usually uses a vibrator to achieve the elusive female orgasm. The male orgasm happens around 10 minutes, but it usually takes the woman 20 minutes. My suggestion would be for the woman to get a 10-minute start in her arousal so he can work himself up as slowly as possible. (Oral sex? Masturbation, anyone?) This way, they should reach the same level of arousal around the same time.
It helps if you know your partner well. It helps if you know that specific face they make and how they behave when they’re about to orgasm so you can speed up or slow down.
Focus on how arousing you find your partner’s orgasm to be.
How does orgasm work? We see something, think of something, or feel something that is so arousing that it tips us over the edge. If witnessing the female orgasm arouses you so much that it just pushes you over the edge, you’re more likely to reach orgasm when your woman’s had amazing stimulation on her clitoris. (Hint, hint.)
If you’re a woman, focus on what about the aspects of satisfaction that turn you on. Maybe it’s the visuals. Maybe it’s sperm all over you. Maybe it’s the sound he makes. Maybe it’s because when he orgasms, it’s because of you, by you, and for you. Focus on these things when he’s almost at the point of no return so you can orgasm when he does.
Men – if what turns you on about female orgasm is that YOU did it and made that shit happen, focus on that. If it’s the blood flow flushing her face or the noises that come out of her mouth… focus on that.
Many men love seeing her vulva when she orgasms. Can you get in a position where you can actually see her vagina coming? Chances are, this can help push you over the edge at the same time your partner orgasms.
Sex Coaching for A Better Relationship and Sex Life
Fantastic sex makes for a stronger relationship. (It’s also fun as hell!)
If you’re struggling with any aspect of sex, whether that be premature ejaculation, intimacy issues, or erectile dysfunction, my one-on-one sex coaching can help you reach your sex goals for the best sex of your life.
Sign up for my free discovery call today, so we can make your sex life sizzle. If you want to improve your relationship to your body AND your partner, Come When You Want is my step-by-step guide to lasting longer in bed, experiencing ejaculatory control, and developing unshakable confidence. It delivers many of the same tools I use in one on one coaching but in a video format you can access from your phone or computer. Check it out!