Between the bills, the phone calls, the appointments, and the crushing weight of your daily to-do list, it can be hard to squeeze in pleasure.

And this, my friends, can really put a damper on your libido.

Because sometimes it’s easier to just fall asleep to true crime documentaries instead of gettin’ it on with your partner.

That’s why, today, I’m going to show you the seven exact steps to take in order to boost your libido and increase sexual desire…naturally. 

Because having more sex enhances your relationship with your partner.

Sex Therapists Don’t Love the Words “Libido” and “Sex Drive”.

Before we begin, I want to let you know that in the sexual health world, there’s a conversation happening about what a libido even IS.

Our understanding of “sex drive” is changing, and I happen to agree with the sex therapists who take issue with these words.

(We can get into this in a later article.)

For now, I just want to focus on how to feel hornier, more often. How to reclaim your sex life. How to get to a place where you’re experiencing more sexual pleasure.

Reclaiming your libido for enhanced sexual health

Without further ado, here’s the low-down for how to feel horny more often… so you can have sex each night and a spring in your step each morning.

Step One: Focus On Your Own Pleasure First

woman holding up dildo

If you want to reclaim your own sexual pleasure, you have to start with… well… your own sexual pleasure.

Your relationship with sexual pleasure is your own, and you’ll bring your partner in later down the road. But first, it starts with you and your relationship with yourself. 

Ask yourself…

“What is my sexual behavior?”

“Do I have low libido?”

“Where do I find sexual arousal most?”

“What is my sexual relationship with myself?”

Step Two: Find Your Why.

Consider why boosting your low libido and increasing sexual pleasure is important to you, not just to your partner or not just to your relationship.

Why does this matter to you? How will a high sex drive make your life better?

How important is it for you to have a healthy and active sex life?

Step Three: Pleasure Yourself.

woman self-pleasuring

It’s time to fit some “me-time” in your schedule.

Why? Because masturbation feels good, AND it’s good for you.

Open your schedule and block out time just for YOU. Prioritize and schedule a self-pleasure practice to engage your body in arousal and sexual pleasure. 

This could entail focusing on caressing your nipples, rubbing your penis into erection, or simply touching yourself in any way you feel comfortable to boost your sexual mood. Whatever your process is, schedule time out of your days to explore these feel-good vibes.

Step Four: Set Sexy Goals

You can achieve anything you put your mind to… in sex and life, my friends!

“But Caitlin,” you say, “Setting goals is unsexy. I don’t want to set objectives for sexual pleasure… I have to do that for work and I definitely don’t want that mojo in the bedroom.”

Yo, I get it.

But listen…

The idea that amazing, hot sex should just happen naturally is flawed. Anything you’ve ever wanted in life, you had to set a goal and track your progress.

Write out your top sexual desire goals, your sexual health goals, your sexual activity goals. this way, you will have a clear picture of what it is you want and why!

Step Five: Victory Celebration! ?

a couple enjoying a drink together

Even the small pleasures in life are worth celebrating.

And listen, when I talk about ‘self-pleasure’, it doesn’t even need to be sexualized.

You may have set aside five minutes a day to do some self-pleasure activity, maybe as simple as just touching the inside of your arm very lightly and gently and being very mindful of it for five minutes. 

But after taking 5 minutes out of your day to engage in self-pleasure, you can celebrate in a multitude of different ways by rewarding yourself with something that feels … well… good.

Give yourself something to look forward to. Celebrate your wins. You deserve it.

Step Six: Don’t get discouraged by setbacks.

Progress is not — and never has been — linear.

Don’t let it get you down.

Some days you’ll see great progress, and other days you’ll see nothing. Don’t be discouraged! Keep going and remember that goal and intention you set for yourself. 

There is inherent goodness in practicing sexual pleasure and making this a part of your practice, even when you don’t feel like doing it or feel arousal. Acknowledging your libido when you don’t feel like reclaiming sex and pleasure, but doing it anyway is a very important skill, and it makes the difference between achieving and amazing sex life… and not.

Step Seven: Change it up.

Check out my self-pleasure list.. it will help you stay interested by introducing variety and SPICE.

My self-pleasure list of sexy goodness

woman in lingerie taking off panties

You guys, this is not a checklist, so relax.

In no way do I want you to exhaust yourself with making these modifications.

However, I do want you to try out what you feel comfortable with, and seek inspiration from them to get some feel good vibes!

  • Change up the position of your body: Lay on your back. Switch it up. Lay on your stomach. 
  • Change up the time of day you dedicate to self-pleasure: If you usually self-pleasure in the evening, try self-pleasuring in the morning. 
  • Change up the amount of clothing that you’re wearing: If you’re usually naked, try with clothes on, maybe some lingerie. 
  • Change the location in your house: If you’re usually on your bed, maybe try a bathroom. If you live alone, you can try the kitchen floor. Move around. 
  • Try different toys: If you do usually use a sex toy, don’t use a sex toy. Use your hands. If you do usually use your hands, try investing in a new toy.
  • Change the duration, so how long you self-pleasure for: Switch it up between five and 50 minutes, and keep switching it up and experiment with different durations.
  • Where to start on your body parts: If you usually go straight to your genitals, maybe try a more circuitous route that uses your lips or your nipples on the way there. Maybe even just self-pleasure your nipples. 

There’s no right or wrong way to self-pleasure. Pleasure is the goal, not orgasm. As long as you keep in that direction, you should be able to experience a lot of sexual pleasure along the way.

Or, check out the erotic blueprints, or the sensual blueprints or the sexual blueprints or the kinky blueprints! So many blueprints!!

Different Humans Have Different Sexual Experiences.

To wrap things up, I want to remind you that you are human beings and can have different sexual experiences and self-pleasure experiences than others.

If you are a victim of a mental or physical experience that has traumatized you, I urge you to seek professional help. Your sex drive, your libido,  and your experiences of pleasure are important and should not be put on the back burner. 

And if you’re just looking to have some burning issues in the bedroom solved once and for all, I urge you to reach out for sex coaching. Just a little support can drastically improve your sex life, boost relationship satisfaction, and completely change your relationship to your own body. Reach out today.

What do women think about after sex? (What men need to know.)

What you do immediately after sex tells me a lot about who you are as a lover.  Thing is, a lot of people don’t even think about those moments right after sex, which is a shame.  Because what you do right after sex is more important than any technique you…

Do THIS for More and Better Sex (Scientifically-Proven Gratitude Hack)

Giving thanks …  expressing gratitude … is a pretty big deal when it comes to your sex life.  A recent study published in the Journal of Social, Psychological and Personality Science demonstrates that gratitude has a positive correlation and causation on a…

How Do Women Masturbate? (Female Self-Pleasure How-To)

Women, about 90% of us masturbate.  But I recently came across a study that said around 60% of us wonder if we’re doing it “right”. Which means, many of us are secretly wondering, “Am I normal?”  Since most women don’t talk to ANYONE about their own…

What she REALLY means when she says she wants “connection”

Today, we decode the language of women.  What do they mean when they say they want to “feel connected?”  As a sexuality and relationship coach, one of the many pleasures of my job is helping lovers cross the communication divide.  In this case, I’m helping…

How often should you masturbate?

When I was a young kid, I noticed that it felt good to touch myself “down there.” I even noticed that the longer I stimulated myself, the more likely I was to reach a “release” at the end, where I didn’t feel like doing it anymore.  Somehow, I knew that this was…

How Stress Affects Sex Drive (Low Libido and Low Desire)

Sometimes life throws things at you: a pandemic, an election, mercury in retrograde, a black cat walking across a broken mirror on a full moon…Stress, like death and taxes, is a sure thing.But when the straws of stress put strain on the camel’s back, how does your…

How to Bewitch Your Partner with Halloween Role Play

My friends, the sexiest holiday is upon us. Flames flicker, skirts get shorter, the good girl next door transforms into a daring sorceress … It’s the night we unearth the scary, haunted parts of ourselves we thought were buried… We can let our skeletons out of the…

How to Eat Pussy: 7 Tips for Giving Her an Oral Sex Orgasm

Want to have her moaning in pleasure?  Of course you do! Maybe you worry that you’re a slobbery, uncomfortable, tonguey mess when you go down on her. That’s why, today, we’re talking about the 7 most mind-blowing pussy eating tips for giving her intense…

Boost Libido Naturally (Increase Sex Drive and Desire for Men and Women)

Between the bills, the phone calls, the appointments, and the crushing weight of your daily to-do list, it can be hard to squeeze in pleasure. And this, my friends, can really put a damper on your libido. Because sometimes it’s easier to just fall asleep to true crime…

How to Talk Dirty (Dirty Talk Formula)

Dirty talk is intimidating. How do you go from “I would like to touch your breasts with my face” to being a swashbuckling dirty talk MASTER? Too many of my clients have something lame they said to their woman that haunts their dreams. One single sentence can destroy…