70% of divorces are initiated by women. Many of these women still love their partners but just aren’t feeling the passion.
In making sure your relationship survives, this article is more important than you think.
If you want to keep the passion going in your relationship, you need to actively work toward providing her the sexual pleasure and connection she needs.
Because when’s the last time you heard of a couple with a perfect, rip roarin’ sex life who ended up getting divorced? You don’t hear about it because it just doesn’t happen.
Society keeps pushing the message that “women just don’t care about sex as much as men do” and my friends, this is an unbelievable load of crap. Why?
Because the most cited reason for a woman wanting a divorce is that her spouse is “unresponsive to her needs”. Translation: she’s sick of having an underwhelming sexual relationship. Sex got boring. Her current partner doesn’t do much to make her feel desired. He doesn’t try to get her rocks off.
This can always be avoided.
So why don’t more men do MORE to avoid sexual problems?
Because men don’t really KNOW what women need in order to actively enjoy their sex lives. Half the time, they don’t know how to bring their woman to sexual arousal.
So the best relationship insurance is to get crystal clear on exactly what you need to do in order to be the most fascinating sexual partner in her eyes.
Table of Contents
Why Should You Prioritize Her Pleasure?
Yes, a happy sex life is the responsibility of both partners in a relationship. But men, listen up. If you don’t do your part to have great sex, you have a lot to lose. And by taking the simple and necessary steps to a healthy sex life, you have a lot to gain:
A better relationship
Have you guys been fighting a lot lately? Do you find yourself getting more irritable than usual? Are the little things getting to you both? It’s probably because sexual activity is sorely lacking.
A better sex life means you’re both relieving stress, taking the time to bond and be intimate, and fostering a more passionate relationship. Science shows us that great sex releases oxytocin, serotonin, and other happiness chemicals in our brains that make us feel amazing (and make our relationships feel better too!)
Single Dudes: You could be the talk of the town
If you’re a single man who loves the ladies, you need this skill. Knowing exactly what turns women on and the secret to their sexual desire is your best chance at making sure that special, beautiful woman actually wants to see you (and dirty talk with you) again. No man has to be perfect, especially if he knows how to make her come.
You’ll ensure your woman doesn’t ever look outside the relationship for steamy sexual encounters to meet her needs.
Women are human beings with human needs. Many good-hearted women have slipped up and cheated on their partners because they were tired of spending YEARS of their lives void of intimacy and full of sexual dysfunction (on many levels).
In a word, they’re sick of their partners ignoring serious sexual problems.
You can only endure sexual problems for so long, my dudes.
Good women can also look elsewhere to get their needs met if they spend years feeling like their partner doesn’t even desire them, or is no longer sexually attracted to them.
Even if you are SUPER attracted to your wife and she’s the only one who turns you on, you need to show it and let her know how bright your flame is for her. Your woman needs to feel like you desire her. (More on this in a bit).
You’ll add a confident spring in your step and even perform better at work.
Imagine the confidence you’ll feel once you have the tools and knowledge you need to make her moan and scream, make her beg for you, and give her the best sex of her life. She won’t be able to let you go, and you’ll be walkin’ on sunshine.
In fact, a 2017 study shows that men enjoy immediate benefits of sex. The next day after busting a nut, men enjoy better productivity and higher engagement the next day at work.
Own your power in the bedroom, feel powerful in the boardroom.
So if men have all of this to gain, why don’t more men know how to drive her mad with desire? It’s not like you haven’t spent years trying.
Why Most Men Don’t Know How to Drive Women Wild with Attraction for Them (Even after reading tons of articles and getting advice from their friends)
What if everything you’ve learned is false? Hear me out.
Our entire lives, we’re given a “story” or “narrative” around sex that’s spoon-fed to us by our culture. Many of us don’t question these stories about sex – and then we end up in long-term relationships with unsatisfying sex lives… wondering why our sex lives aren’t that great (and to be honest, many of your friends probably have crappy sexual health because they, too, fell for the cultural script hook, line, and sinker.)
But here’s the thing – once we set ourselves free from what society has been telling us about sex, we open our eyes to better ways of loving, even if it goes counter to what we’ve been told our entire lives.
Some of what I’m about to tell you might feel counter-intuitive because it goes against everything you’ve learned. Trust me… once you start implementing these techniques, you and your partner will be floored at how much better your sex life gets.
Why Most Conversations about Foreplay Miss the Point
There are a lot of well-meaning articles out there that are designed to tell men the best way to approach foreplay. These articles are great in one way: they tell men how utterly important foreplay is to a woman’s pleasure, and they give men tips and tricks to making foreplay better and more creative. This is fine, but there’s one essential thing these articles always miss.
They always miss the context around what makes up a healthy, active, sizzlin’ sex life. (Because an amazing sex life is more than just foreplay and orgasms.)
To make matters worse, they provide cheap tricks without ANY answers to guide men exactly how to touch a woman, how to interact with a woman, and how to initiate sex. They hardly ever address what behaviors turn women on and off.
Which is a shame, because “what turns a woman on” is so often not what men think.
Without further ado, here are the eight essential secrets to making your woman scream, moan, run her fingernails down your back, buck, get breathless, and want to have sex with you again and again – whether you’ve been married thirty years or just met her yesterday.
How to Make Her Beg for You (By DRIVING HER WILD in Bed)
These are the eight most important things to keep in mind when driving your woman wild with desire. Some of these probably agree with what you’ve heard before, but others will run counter to everything you’ve been taught. Just know that these are all backed up by science and supported by top sex therapists. Because there’s nothing sexier than peer-reviewed studies, right?
- Don’t be afraid to get dominant.
- Let your woman know you want her.
- Focus on the clit.
- Break the sexual script.
- Know that women need variety in order to stay interested.
- Don’t forget about your own pleasure.
- Recognize that sex is way more than just orgasms.
- Communicate both actively and passively.
1. Don’t be afraid to get dominant.
There is a paradox that lives in every modern woman.
We want to be respected. We want to be helpful, important members of society. We want to live on an equal playing field as men in our careers – instead of facing limitations just for being a woman, we want to be able to reach the stars and all that jazz.
But we really, REALLY want to be dominated in the sack.
It’s biology. It’s science. It’s just freaking true. Even the most feminist woman wants to be dominated because it’s sexy as hell. We want men to want us. In fact, we want men to want us so much that they feel overwhelmed with desire for us. But what does being dominant really mean for a man?
Being “dominant” means you’re taking 100% responsibility for her wellbeing and pleasure.
Being dominant does not mean being a controlling dick. It means caring deeply for her pleasure, safety, and wellbeing. Nothing is sexier than this, guys. I mention in my article “How to become a dominant force in the bedroom” that dominance requires confidence and creativity. And yes, it requires concern for her wellbeing and safety.
Being “dominant” means taking control over the situation so she can relax and enjoy herself.
Women don’t want to think during sex. We don’t want to have to use our brains to analyze or make decisions. When a man is dominant in bed, it means the woman can relax, knowing that her man is going to take the reins and serve up pleasure – without her having to do anything. Being dominant allows your woman to turn her brain off so she can turn sensations on and enjoy the ride.
Dominance is a prized characteristic of masculinity. It’s about who you are BEING in bed. It’s all about your attitude and approach.
Here’s a delicious bonus for you: you can use dominance to your advantage if you have premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. By being dominant, you can put off penetrative sex as long as you want. This is a great way to give her multiple orgasms, turn her to putty in your hands, and finish last.
So how can you express your dominance? Some ideas:
- Pull her hair (gently. I don’t want to see any clumps come out, sir.) –
- While she’s approaching climax, place your hand over her throat with a gentle amount of pressure — this gives the effect of choking and danger without actually getting dangerous.
- Spank her! This is a dominance favorite. Warm up the area first with your hand, spank it, hold your hand there to let the spank resonate, and then give it a little bit of a rub. She’ll be so turned on.
2. Let your woman know you want her.
Marta Meana, a researcher at the University of Nevada, is quoted as saying, “Being desired is the real female orgasm”, and nothing truer has ever been said. Boost your woman’s sex drive by making her feel “overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered”.
According to Psychology Today, “The delicate, tentative guy who politely thinks about you and asks if this is okay or that is okay is a guy who may meet the expectations of your gender politics (treats me as an equal, is respectful of me, communicates with me)… but he may also put you in a sexual coma – not despite these qualities, but because of them.”
In other words, she wants you to desire her on an intense, primal level. So how can you make your woman feel utterly and totally desired? If you’ve been in your relationship for a while, it’s easy to get stuck in “roommate mode” – treating each other like good friends who happen to live together. This might sound nice, but it’s lethal to her sex drive. Instead, you need to treat your woman like your WOMAN, not your roomie.
When she’s chopping veggies in the kitchen, walk up to her, put your hands on her hips and butt, sniff her hair, and kiss her neck.
Tell her she smells good.
Stop everything just to give her a long, slow hug.
Randomly tell her how stunningly beautiful she is. Flirt with her. Smack her butt when she’s walking by. Wink at her.
Stop everything to give her a long, slow kiss, and then walk away.
This is a surefire way to tell your wife of 30 years that she still gets your heart pumpin’ – and it’ll get hers going in the meantime.
But what if you’re in the dating scene? How can you do this without coming off as creepy? Especially if you’re just starting a relationship, you don’t want to come off as overbearing and suffocate her. An article in Oprah Magazine gets it right:
“Paying your sexual partner sincere compliments will let you know how much you appreciate her, and that might make her feel sexier before your clothes even hit the floor.” Foreplay starts way before you even get to the bedroom. Compliment her looks, her intelligence, and how much you love talking with her and hanging out with her. Straight-up tell her “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
But what about once you get into the bedroom and things start to get hot and heavy?
3. Focus on the clit
If you’re ignoring the clit, you’re ignoring the single most important sex organ for most woman to get aroused.
Dealing with vaginal dryness and her not being able to get “into it” no matter how hard she tries to? Stop, drop, and stimulate that clit. She’ll be wet in no time.
The importance of the clit cannot be understated. In fact, 75% or women cannot even climax unless they have their clit stimulated.
During foreplay and sex, encourage her to play with her clit. A lot of women KNOW they need their clit played with but are too shy to reach down there and pleasure themselves during sex, in fear of hurting their partner’s ego. By telling her to touch herself, you are giving her freedom to make pleasure happen and allowing herself to come.
During foreplay, you can also gently rub her clit with your fingers. You can bring her from cold to hot by gently sucking on, kissing, and licking her clit. This action alone will leave most women wet and begging for sex.
She’s also going to need her clit stimulated during the deed. While you’re inside of her, use a vibrator or your fingers to gently pleasure her clit. Your woman probably has some sex toys or vibrators hidden away in a drawer somewhere, but if she doesn’t, check out the Siren, the Kip Silicone Vibrator, or the Pro 2 Next Generation. (Which also feels lovely on the tip of your cock, I hear.)
Sex Positions That Make Her Clit Happy
Believe it or not, the sex positions you choose can boost sexual function for both partners (and make sex more delicious).
Rub her clit from behind, or encourage her to touch herself while you pound into her.
Missionary with a Twist
This old classic can be slightly modified to allow her to lift her legs up, exposing the vulva. This offers a great way for her to easily access her clit, and allows your pelvis to hit against her clit as you thrust.
As you lay down and face each other, she swings her leg over your hip as you enter her. This position puts feel-good pressure on her clit, and gives her some power of thrust and speed (it also allows her to fit a vibrator down there!)
4. Break the script
If you’re in a long-term, stable relationship, chances are, you’ve been doing the same exact sex shit for years.
Same old, same old usually leads to lots of yawning and her wanting to skip sex altogether, because “what’s the point?” Her sex drive dips.
Do you and your partner follow a script? Think about it… What conditions usually exist for you and your partner to have sex? What typically leads up to sex? What steps do you both take during sex? How long does sex typically last?
If you and your partner tend to fall into the same patterns and routines, you’re not the only ones. At the end of the day, this script can end up making sex boring and uninspired. So how do you break the script?
Interrupt your patterns. Yes, even interrupt sex. But how? First, you need to be aware that your script even exists by answering the questions above. You need to be able to recognize when it’s happening.
Second, you need to be willing to interrupt the pattern. For example, you can get her all hot and bothered during foreplay – kissing her and petting her – to just literally stop. Change what you’re doing. Get up, grab a glass of water, change the music, light some incense… she’ll be so “thrown for a loop” that she’ll be hanging off your every word.
If you typically start with oral sex and then finish the deed with doggie style, maybe it’s time to try some new positions or bring in some new sex toys or sex games. Switch things up! Which leads us to our next point…
5. Know that women need variety in order to stay interested
When my husband and I had just moved in together for the first time, we spent a week moving in and unpacking boxes. It was a little stressful for both of us… but I’ll never forget the time we were both in the elevator going up to our apartment, and right after the doors swung open, he looked at me and said, “RACE YOU HOME!” and took off sprinting down the hallway.
I was in shock. And delight. He had turned a mundane evening into a spontaneous chance to let go and have fun.
The point of this story is that unpredictability can happen at any time, and with a little creativity and light-heartedness, you can have more fun, provide new experiences, and achieve the novelty a woman needs in order to maintain her high sex drive.
But remember – what’s “novel and new” for you isn’t necessarily the same as what’s “novel and new” for her. For example, experimenting with double penetration might sound like a great time for you, but she just really wants to have sex on the kitchen table for once instead of in the bedroom. You never know what will get her off until you ask her…. And until you try it.
6. Don’t forget about your own pleasure
A lot of men pound along like a jackrabbit, trying to get her to come, and their partners KNOW they’re just trying to cross that finish line.
Women can’t relax in this situation.
Stop thinking about sex from a purely analytical standpoint. She doesn’t want you to “carefully consider” her – she wants you to ravish her, be head over heels, and get lost in your own pleasure. Enjoy yourself so she can enjoy you.
This means you should touch her for your own pleasure – get lost in the sensations of what it feels like to be with her, to hold her, to put your lips on her. Moan in her ear, tell her she’s beautiful and sexy and that no one else will do.
Too many men do the “wham bam thank you ma’am” approach to sex, and it’s a huge bummer for her. She doesn’t want to feel like a sex doll. She wants to feel like your very own sex goddess who puts you under her spell. Act like it. Swoon, get weak in her arms, and allow yourself to experience pleasure too.
7. Recognize that sex is way more than just orgasms.
If you want to make sex boring, focus solely on the finish line. I could give you a bunch of platitudes about how “sex is about the journey, not the destination”. It’s true. Treat sex like a long, meandering stroll through the forest where you stop to appreciate certain sights, sounds, and sensations. It’s not to be treated like a sprint.
If you try to have sex before spending a solid 20 minutes (or more!) on foreplay, you might end up physically hurting her, causing sex to be painful and obviously not very fun for her. Instead of helping her come, you’ll be actively preventing her from orgasm because her pelvic floor muscles will “clamp up” and she won’t be able to relax.
This is why it’s so important not just to just “go for the orgasm” but to provide long-lasting, sustained pleasure that allows her to lead up to penetration.
When we make sex all about the orgasm, we turn sex into a science experiment. Instead of sex being about intimacy, connection, and making her skin buzz with pleasure, sex ends up being rushed, forced, and not very inspired.
8. Communicate both actively and passively.
If you’ve ever seen my YouTube channel, you know that I drill this all the time. It is impossible to build a better sex life if you don’t communicate about it with your partner.
In fact, sex is one of the top things couples fight about. Why? Because too many of us wait until there’s an issue that blows up in our face to talk about sex at ALL.
I’m here to change that.
Sex can be an awkward topic of conversation (and requires both people to feel safe and accepted in a non-judgy environment), which is why most couples don’t want to touch sex conversations with a five foot pole. It feels like there’s too much at stake.
But communication doesn’t always mean sitting down and having a discussion about your feelings. While having a conversation is essential, there are other ways couples communicate about sex.
For starters, when you are having sex with your wife or girlfriend, they’re communicating with you, even if they’re not saying anything. A woman communicates by the way she breathes, her moans, her body language, and responses to your touches. Be receptive to her body language and invite feedback.
But how can you invite feedback without making her get into her “analytical thinking brain” that will turn her off during sex and prevent her from relaxing enough to orgasm?I call this the A/B test. When you’re pleasuring your woman (going down on her, fingering her, etc) try two techniques and ask her “Which one do you like better? This one…. Or this one?” This provides her with a couple of options she can choose from, so all she has to do is toss her head back and say “ah yes. That one. That one’s gooooood.”
How to Make Sure Your Woman Never Leaves You
Just having sex isn’t enough. You have to know HOW to give her consistently amazing sexual experiences and a deep physical connection. If you can achieve this… you’ll go a long way in ensuring that your relationship stays iron-clad.
In fact, according to Australian researcher Lorraine Dennerstein, women’s libido tends to decline throughout years of being with the same man. This is strongly linked to the “loss of sexual interest in their long time partners”. This loss of sexual interest can 100% be avoided. All you have to do is key into your woman’s needs and provide her the pleasure she needs.
Make Sure She Comes Too
This article only scratches the surface when it comes to providing your woman with mind-blowing sex.
If you want to blow her mind multiple times… If you want her to drag you into the bedroom and beg you to have sex with her…If you want to be great in bed and the master at bringing her to orgasm… Than you need to check out my Come When You Want Masterclass. This step-by-step system dives deep into the art of seduction and making her come. This course alone has changed hundreds of lives and improved hundreds of relationships. Check it out here.