One time I fell in love while standing in the middle of a bustling train terminal. I didn’t even know this guy. I had never seen him before, but I was attracted to him from across the room.
What drew my attention? I wasn’t standing close enough for it to be his eyes. It wasn’t his nose or his mouth. It wasn’t the scruff. It wasn’t the hair (he was wearing a hat.) I just felt… attracted to HIM.
The first thing that grabs a woman’s attention is contextual. At that train terminal, it was his vibe. It was his posture, his clothing, the way he carried himself. How he looked when he talked to the people he was with. His demeaner.
When I first met my husband, I was attracted to his voice. He has an infectious, buoyant voice that made me immediately interested in him.
There’s no one thing that all women always notice about a man.
In fact, there’s no one thing that I, as ONE woman, always notice about a man!
But I want to give you the TOP things that capture a woman’s attention, and how to use this information to land more dates and better sex.
I’m sex and relationship coach Caitlin V, the creator of She Comes Too, a comprehensive video course on how to be an amazing lover. Be the reason her mind wanders to dirty thoughts during business meetings!
But if she’s not noticing you for the right reasons, you’re not going to have much luck getting her into bed.
Here’s the rule of thumb: WOMEN REMEMBER HOW YOU MAKE US FEEL.
Just as you remember how something or someone makes you feel. You remember a person because they made you feel special. Or because they made you feel like dirt! But the point is, you remember them.
We remember how you made us feel. You made us feel safe, sexual, aroused, aware, alert, beautiful. That’s how I want you to think about everything I’m about to say. I want you to ask, “How am I making the women around me feel?”
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve ever stepped foot in a nice car. It doesn’t matter if you’ve ever worn a nice suit. None of that matters. Your day game, your bar game, your night game, how well you flirt… it’s all secondary to how you make women feel.
So here’s the question: how do you improve how you make women feel?
How do you make women feel interested? Titillated? Turned on? Enchanted? Safe? Secure?
7 Things Women Find Unforgettable.
This first one makes the least sense, so bear with me.
Your energy, your presence. What’s your vibe like? Are you anxious or uptight? Or are you easy going and laid back? Are you having a good time with your friends or are you nervously thinking about what you’re going to say to that pretty girl the next time she makes eye contact?
This is a core distinction that sets you apart from other men.
Women can pick up on whether you’re desperate and REALLY want to have sex. If THAT is your vibe, I highly recommend that you get into the habit of being a great lover to yourself. If you have a masturbation practice that brings you pleasure, you’re not going to feel so needy in your interactions with women.
So be vibin’. Be chill. Be relaxed. Women notice.
Do you make us feel safe?
I always remember men that make me feel safe. They make me feel like I can relax, let go. They make me feel like I can have that extra cocktail because I don’t have to be on my guard because this guy’s got me. He keeps me safe from other people and at the same time, I am safe from him. In other words, he doesn’t want anything from me. He’s keeping me safe because he is moral, ethical, and who has my best interest at heart.
He’s not going to try to get anything from me or take advantage of me in any way.
This is a very strong feeling. This is something women don’t forget.
In fact, I would say the ONE thing that all memorable men in my life have in common is that they make me feel really safe around them.
Now, I don’t mean so safe that they’re basically neutered. I don’t mean to say that they don’t have any sexual energy. We’ll get to that in just a second.
Your eyes and smile.
Your eyes. Mmmm. Your beautiful, beautiful eyes.
How much eye contact are you making? We don’t want you to stare a hole into our soul. But we ALSO don’t want to have to wonder whether you’re even listening to us. Eye contact should be somewhere in the middle.
You have a beautiful smile. One in a million. Your mega-wat smile can light up her heart.
But is it forced? Are your eyes smiling also?
Women are attracted to positivity. Women like men who know how to have a good time. Women, like everyone else, like to be entertained.
Your eyes and smile are the best way a woman can tell what kind of guy you are, the kind of night you’re having, the kind of energy you bring.
Women are WAY more sensitive to smell than men are. Guys, if I want to feel amazing, all I have to do is sniff my husband’s shirt.
You don’t know what you smell like. Ask a female friend if your smell is on point. If you don’t shower regularly, then start scrubbing! Use soap! (Unless the type of girl you’re trying to attract is into an earthier vibe, in which case, go roll in the dirt and use soap with caution!)
Some dating advice: stay clean and shower. Don’t use too much cologne. People shouldn’t be able to smell you when they walk by. You want cologne that women get close to and think, “Mmmm. Is it YOU that smells so good?”
That air of mystery draws her in closer.
Guys, this is something that grab’s a girl’s attention! How do you smell? This is a good indicator for her on a real life physical, evolutionary, biological level. Your smell lets her know on a subconscious level if you’re a good mate for her. This is how we choose our partners – on this subconscious biological level – so smelling good is actually very important.
Your posture/ how you hold yourself.
If you have slumpy, hunched over posture and you always talk into your chest, it’s time to perk up, butter cup! Even if you don’t feel like it, drawing your shoulders back to expose your heart and your chest makes you look courageous, brave, compassionate, and ready to connect with other people.
Hold your head high and people will notice.
Your sexuality and sexualness.
You need to have an air of sex about you. This does NOT mean making jokes about sex or crude comments or going “mmm girl I’d love to take you home and bend you over.”
Don’t do that.
What I mean is: do you own your masculinity? Do you have a sexual presence? Are you comfortable being a sexual being?
This does NOT mean that you should impose your sexuality on others. Rather, it means you’re not hiding your sexual presence. You’re not ashamed of being sexual.
Being a sexual being is part of accepting yourself and becoming sexual.
This can come off as confidence, flirtatiousness, and your masculine presence. Ask yourself, “How comfortable am I being a sexual person?”
When you think of sex, do you feel shame? Do you feel guilt? Do you feel desperate? Do you feel confused? Or are you like “YES! Sex is a part of who I am as a person. It’s a part of my life, it’s something I think about, it’s something I want, and I’m comfortable enough with that to express it as who I am.”
This goes back to your presence, your energy, your vibe.
Is your vibe someone who is okay being sexual and who feels confident sexually? Can you look at a woman and feel confident that you can give her a great time in the sack? That you can bring her pleasure? If you feel that way, it’s going to be a part of your essence, and women are going to pick up on it.
If you don’t feel that way, you really need my upcoming SHE COMES TOO MASTERCLASS, so you can start exuding that sexy confidence. Know how to blow her mind, and carry that with you into your next encounter. You’ll feel SO much better when you lock eyes with her.
Your power and dominance in the space.
This does not mean power and dominance over others. This means power to do things. When I say “Do you have dominance in the space?” I really mean, “Are you self-assured?”
When you need something, do you go get it? Do you wait until there’s a nice break in conversation? Or do you say “Pardon me, I’ll be right back.”
Take life by the balls, men! (Gently.)
When you speak, do you command authority? Or do you mumble?
Being dominant doesn’t mean telling people what to do. It just means, “Are you self-assured enough to take control of the situation?”
Do you tell the waiter exactly what you want? Do you tell them you’re splitting the bill or taking care of it yourself? It’s not about what you say – it’s how you say it.
Do you take ownership of everyone around you? Are you concerned about everyone’s good time? Are you concerned about the safety of your entire crew? The women, the men, everyone? Or are you the kind of guy that doesn’t want to take responsibility for anyone but himself?
This is what women will notice about you. If you’re not consciously making choices — if you’re going with the flow, seeing what happens, and having in the background, women are going to notice that as well.
All of these skills are really more about who you are being than what you’re doing. This is not what the average dating coach with tell you. Touching her on the arm seven times isn’t going to get her to go down on you. It’s not about what you do. It’s about who you are being.
If you’re being masculine, sexual, dominant, present, positive, and SMILE with your whole face and smell great… you’re going to be someone women want to have sex with.
This is Not Just for Single Men! Your Wife or Girlfriend Should Notice You Too.
Just because you’re partnered doesn’t mean you have her attention.
If you’ve been married for 15 years and have decided you’re together for the long run, it doesn’t mean you’re commanding her sexual attention.
It doesn’t mean you don’t need to be constantly attracting your wife. You do. Attraction and seduction are REALLY important skills. In fact, I included an entire module about them in my new course, SHE COMES TOO, so I hope you’ll check that out. And remember: the first thing women will notice about you is who you are being, not what you’re doing.